Under the Watch of the Thunder Dragon

the echoes

2011-01-12T21:41:00.000-08:00

i made my satellite landing back in the desert lands about seven weeks ago. it was smooth, secret and safe.

i sit now, cross legged on the floor of my father's old house. i must admit, this house is somewhat unfamiliar to me and somehow that offers some ease in trying to write all this to share.

the hugeness of this open city carries sounds from all around up to the hilltop where this house is. trains heeooooo heeoooooo in the distance...the hum of the high way softly stirs...and a gentle humming reminds me of the not so gentle circumstances of this border town.

i've been tracking the path of a tiny insect who has now made it's way up to the top edge of my tiny monitor. 16 months ago...this bug would have been squashed or flicked away...now i just watch him and smile as he goes back and forth back and forth...16 months ago i would have been more comfortable on a bed or couch...or at a desk...now i enjoy the cold wooden floor of my studio...ash tray and coffee beside me...all is on the same level...

a giant piece of mattboard rests on a (crazy possibly way too fancy) easel...i've started covering it with words...i thought i could try to make a map of my brain...sort some of what has grown within me...DEFEND>MIGHTY>DEPART>FALL>RISE>HELP>WEAK>TIME>GROW>GOOD>BAD>DECIDE>ACCEPT>SIMULTANEITY>BIG(NESS)>SILENCE>SUFFER>CHANGE>LOVE>DISAPPEAR>PERCEPTION

tonight is the first night i feel ready.

finally. i allow myself to "commence to begin..."

my last days in Bhutan were perfection. spent them in paro, which was-from the moment i saw it-and will forever remain my favorite town in all of bhutan. (of course i still have more to see in bhutan, but some things ARE SIMPLY CERTAIN) the silence in paro is delciously overwhelming. it swallows you and chews you gently...the way a baby teethes at something. it massages you and calms you and gently comforts you to open yourself..."as spring opens its first flower." (DELICIOUS cummings!) the openness of the valleys always let me breathe there. i felt safe in paro...never afraid of tremendous beauty or blinding oblivion or awkward strangeness and displacement in foreign land. paro felt like home.

the days i spent there were absolute beauty. they were also among the most difficult i experienced. i found myself secretly grasping for the intangible...desperately trying to absorb everything. i did all i could to keep it together. i looked so carefully, listened so keenly, and spoke slowly. i didn't want to forget anything. i wanted desperately to take everything and wrap it up in a blanket made of vast sky...i wanted to hold it the way my mother held me when i was mini, all crazy like from fever. but the voice that grew in me during my pilgrimage in the mountains kept whispering...reminding me i would have to let go.

on the morning of my 2?th birthday, i woke up and lay there quietly...gently forcing my sadness away. welcoming the memories of my family who i would soon see...and reliving with all my love, the moments i shared with all the new family i made.

on the morning of my 2?th birthday i boarded a plane and flew through the sky on satellite X away from the Kingdom of Bhutan.

once i walked through the airport doors i could feel my satellite approaching. i knew i would have to let it pick me up and take me. after my soul forced itself to find a way to say goodbye...i looked back once with tears the size of hot air balloons begging me to burst. i closed my eyes...turned quickly and walked around the corner to sit and wait for the plane to pull up. (you get to walk out to your airplane in bhutan...it's such a celebrity experience)

as i walked out to board the plane, a gentle japanese man smiled at me and said "may i show you". i looked at him confused, but smiled and said "certainly...what is it?" he scrambled through a tiny sketch book and held a drawing of me up proudly. he pointed at it and pointed at me and said "i saw you from across...this is you". he proceeded to smile very big and show me his giant portfolio he had surely lugged along with him on his tour of Bhutan. i smiled very big in return as he encouraged me to take a photo of him holding his drawing of me. i hugged him and thanked him and looked once more toward the mountains...giggled and thought to myself "even in my final moments here, this place is just magic."

i must admit, once i boarded the plane i let go a bit and proceeded to cover my face with my norwegian sister's scarf as i cried and cried. the image of it now is amusing and ABSOLUTELY otherworldly: completely out of control emotional desert woman-sitting in a window seat on a tiny Druk Air plane-ready to fly clear across the planet-wrapped in a Norwegian woman's scarf-flying over the himalayas-wishing she had listened to the pilot more carefully to know whether that was mount everest in sight-weeping at the end a great big fat journey!

after i released an allowable amount of liquid from my eyeballs i looked toward the isle and the steward said "aren't you xochi?" i giggled at the hilarity of the encounter. my friends would often make jokes about how Druk Air flights are like reunions that would normally occur in public places. any Bhutanese flying on any given day likely knows most of, if not all the other Bhutanese on the flight. in the airport itself i had already run into a handful of Bhutanese folks i knew and sure enough, the steward was a dear friend's brother and the folks behind me were relatives of other friends. as i responded to one of their questions with the ever infamous Bhutanese question "what to do" i giggled and thought "i guess i really did make home here..." they, as is the custom in Bhutan, began to poke fun at me for "looking so sad", offered me or encouraged me to consume sufficient amounts of whiskey and managed to cheer me up by the time i landed in bangkok. as i got my things together to deboard it occurred to me that it was my birthday. i mentioned it and cell numbers were immediately offered to go paint the town red later that night. if there is any reliable characteristic among most Bhutanese it is that they most definitely love and know how to have a jolly good time.

had a funny landing in bangkok, observing scantilly clad young thai girls latched onto the arms of what i would consider kinda gross looking American G.I.'s in the airport as they exchanged their thai baht for dollars and vice versa. i was to be picked up by lovely ugyen in bangkok. a part of me enterained the thought of painting the town not only red, but i soon opted to stay out of trouble. (i'm a magnet for trouble) i happily avoided the madness of bangkok's crowded zone and excitedly hugged ugyen before we caught a cab out to the boonies of the city. after about a forty five minute cab ride i found myself in peace and quiet and soon thereafter eating delicious fish, sipping on a crisp cool bottle of water in the humidity and HOTNESS of thailand. the time was lovely but, of course, difficult. i could feel the crash landing back into the big world. i could feel my physical location pulling away from bhutan and pushing toward the other side of the world. i could feel that immense lack of control oozing all over my skin and insides. my goodbye in bangkok was somehow more raw than the goodbye in Bhutan. i suppose i knew i was really leaving by then...all was still like a dream, but my departure from bangkok offered my tongue a taste of the reality that was unfolding all around me the way confetti falls from disco balls...(this party wasn't of the "fun confetti" nature, however)

bangkok layover was short and i was off to catch my connection to japan. i was carrying a huge scroll painting with me and the always rule abiding japanese customs folks gave me the BIG FAT "NO DICE" as i tried to lug the scroll of life through security to my gate. cumbersome but CRUCIAL scroll. i had a bit of a verbal scuffle with a very sweet girl at a mysterious counter (felt really bad on account of the always lovely manners offered by Japanese folks)...but was finally allowed to carry on the scroll of life.

by that point i completely numbed myself...i'd be flying over the PACIFIC soon (simultaneously toward and away from) and the BIG SADNESS was doing everything it could to creep its way into me. i knew it wouldn't be fair to be completely devastated and sad. so instead, i sat and people watched...(caught a glimpse of a narco from sinaloa alllllll the way in japan...horrific disgusting "drug situation")

after a very long flight...i landed in Los Angeles and allowed myself THE SMILE. (((((almost home))))) ....i switched on my rickety old field mouse of a phone and immediatly dialed my mother and younger brother. the feeling of their voices on the other side of a domestic phone was heavenly...any description beyond that i'll keep secret and safe.

after three very long and brutally inevitable days...my satellite completed its orbit around planet earth (quite literally...from start to end of my big fat journey i actually did fly around the world!) satellite X made its landing in the desert. greeted by mother, younger brother and father at the airport i immediately felt a swoosh of comfort and warmth wrap me up safely and soundly in the lovely presence of my (((family)))) ...

tricky business these arrivals and departures can be. "natural phenomena" many of my students quoted on several different occassions.

my first nights home were confusing. i spent moments in the evenings watching the sky streak with red as the sun made its descent. every night i would rise (and still do some nights) at 3:00 am. i took to walking to the edge of the arroyo i often remembered fondly while i was in the mountainland. i would sit until the sun came up staring out at the vastness off the sky and land. i would watch the sky do it's mighty melting from one spectrum to another. the flat horizon i had only dreampt of for many months prior laid there like a flattened soul. now i read through old writings and find one piece of something:

"in the middle of the world aflame the sun is carefully gently lowering behind infinity's tricks"

while making home in Bhutan, my (((home))) echoed in me always. i was often told to mind "the now" and let go of then and later. for the most part i did what i could and tried to understand (disregarding the clicheNESS that philosophy lives within) the crucial survival that is born of those words...but stood secretly and firmly behind my belief: to remember and live within a thing that is far from immediacy honors that thing. (i had arguments for every cliched philosophy anyone could throw at me...oh the xoch stubbornness. i smile.)

i lived among clouds and thinness of air. i lived alongside beautiful souls, smiling hearts and living, growing hope. (Bhutan breathes hope like no other in the world: ANOTHER CERTAIN THING) i met truth and abandoned fears. i embraced loneliness and found courage. i discovered my will, accepted shame and scorned falsity.

now i find myself dancing swooshing swaying among and within echoes of Bhutan. i honor that home the way i honored this one. i remember it. i carry Bhutan deep within me...i carry it on my face and in my words. i honor it for the smiles that bloomed and continue to bloom because of it. i see it everywhere and dance among It's memory.

that BIG BALLOON sure loves flopping you on your back and everywhere in between.

many people ask me the same quesiton when i encounter them for the first time since having returned (i stayed hidden for some time so first encounters still occur often)

"what did you make of your time?"

in the first month i would scratch my head and elbows nervously and try to explain i didn't have words yet. now i smile and say "i was lost and found simultaneously. i was many things simultaneously...i tried to make beauty and wound up finding it! (or letting it find me)" scratch my elbow nervously again and contiue "my time was beautiful. it continues to be..."

i left my home on a 'WILD HUNT'...reserved in my predictions...never expecting to find what i found. findings were beyond smiles and progress. findings were beyond things one can touch and see. findings were more than mighty mountains and memories...more than words and ideas. they were larger than kabooms and battles...easier than land...harder than it is to be a cliff. i am different...all the world is different now...all that lives under these eyelids gathers more fuel everyday...as i continue to simultaneously arrive and depart.

the land was more than its mountains...more than its peace and silence...more than its secrets, both ugly and kind...the land was living truth and singing revelation. i know i will be there again...

Bhutan was quite simply....beautiful.

how does one embrace the steps that turn to leaps?

how do i reconcile the echoes?

i smile.

as always...there is more to come. i send my warmest greetings from the ever lovely desert lands..."this side of the world"...wherever that may actually be!

...knowing there's an answer.

2010-11-12T00:40:00.000-08:00

[a group photo taken during the ASPIRE after school camp. Campers and facilitators pose together after a day of cleaning up the community and starting the AIR SHAKE MURAL.]

There are thanks to be delivered! My time in Bhutan would not have been possible without the help of some extraordinary people. I thank each and every child I had the honor of spending the last 14 months with in Bhutan. I thank HRH Dasho Jigyel Ugyen Wangchuck without whose support the entirety of my experience in and contributions to Bhutan would not have been possible. I thank the Ella Lymon Cabot Trust Fund Inc. for the gracious support of and funding they provided for this entire project. I thank Mrs. Norma D. Hendrickson for the grace she has always given me and for her incredible sponsorship and support of my time in Bhutan. I thank the UStanlee and Gerald Rubin Center as it was a major catalyst for this project. I thank Asha Kama Wangdi for his vision and his invitation to work with an organization that motivated and inspired me to chart my unique and independant course in Bhutan. I thank all of the colleagues, friends and family who have been so instrumental to the smiles I have shared in this place. A few must be named:

Mr. Jurmi Chhowing offered me absolute and unfaltering friendship, support, wisdom and encouragement which allowed and inspired me to stay the course. Mr. Tshering Wangdi has been both an inspiration and a beautiful friend. Madame Kesang Phuntsho Dorji has been my catalyst for many smiles, truths and a great deal of courage. Madame Yuki has been the sunlight. Dawa Pejor, Sonam Kesang and their beautiful family were my beautiful rescue boat. Lama Schenphen Zangpo has been the best “red-robed” buddy I have ever had…and a person I will always admire. Letho, Junu and Jigme whose genuine warmth has made me smile everytime I walk into their café.

And of course, I thank my beautiful family.

Having accorded thanks where they are deserved I will begin.

In honesty, i have never been able to say what is easy for others. Several character flaws/strengths make it difficult for me to deliver information normally…so i will simply say:

during my time in the Kingdom of Bhutan, I have allowed myself to remain open constantly to the youngsters I have worked with so that I might be able to share with and learn from them. On a personal level, in my inside hidden parts, i have opened myself as i said i would...and when i had to, i shut myself as i needed to.

October 10 was the closing of the ASPIRE camp. that was my final initiative in Bhutan…my final but most definitely not the most important. PROCESS…it has been a PROCESS.

[photos of the some of the different areas the camp focused on and the facilitator who led those areas. Lama Schenphen-meditation. Pre-mural-art class. Madame Kesang Phuntsho Dorji-music. RENEW's visiting councelors spend a day of camp with the children and share their questions, answers and experience.]

To be honest, I admit I do not want to write this blog. too many details, masses and discrete-tremendous occurrences have whirled me to this day. to this point. And I have no idea how to put into words what I am feeling. but i know i must write for the sake of sharing and so...here goes.

To better find an easy place to start I’ll share the magic of “ASPIRE”. the closing day of ASPIRE was beautiful. The camp itself was absolutely FANTASTIC…its mechanisms were interesting to watch at work, it’s results were intriguing to see unfold. Before I begin, I MUST thank the volunteers who were the FUEL for this project (in no particular order). Mendharawa Dorji, Yiwang Pindarica, Namzay Kumutha, Wangchuk Dorji Namgyal, Kesang Phuntsho Dorji, Kuenga Tenzin, Tenzin Namgyal, Jurmi Chhowing, Tashi Pelyang, Robinisimo, Lama Schenphen Zangpo, Harry HAL Shaw, Sonam Palden, Kinley Bokto, Tshering Wangdi, Subash, Ngedup Jamtsho, Madame Tshering and other volunteers from the Bhutan Olympic Committee and Palden Phuntsho. There are many many more who were instrumental to the success of the camp, but these volunteers gave their time with dedication and went "beyond the call of duty".

[The children deliver the "air shake". With such a large number of children, it was impossible to shake hands with everyone when 'deals' and 'promises' were made...and so, the air shake was born. Ugyen shows off his interesting approach to the first aid lessons visiting "doctors" Mark and Nick gave. Mr. Jurmi Chhowing teaches through analogies in creative writing class. Mr. Harry "HAL" Shaw rugbyFIES the camp. Cultural trips were an essential part of the camp. The children climb to Taktsang-an historic monastery in Paro. Dawa throws down some dedication during a friendly game of soccer under the coaching of volunteers from the Bhutan Olympic Committee.]

The camp was a follow up initiative to the summer camp a few of the teachers at the school in Changjiji had initiated. I say a “sort of follow up” because the mechanisms for the two different camps were in fact very different. it’s important to note the extreme differences, which I realize now, some people failed to understand. At the most basic level the camp was intended to provide positive time use for children when they are not in school. (this is what EVERY youth camp usually does.) in places that have minimal resources to offer hungry hungry hungry youth, positive self initiated time use is a useful base to keep in mind when youth projects are approached.

The defining characteristic of this camp was the idea that it was completely driven using tools that would help children learn how to think critically. This emphasis on critical thinking was not blatant…it was subtle, hidden…covert and effective. (perhaps it was more important to give them the tools and let them discover how relevant they were and how they might be used) Of course expression and creativity were the words used to inspire the children. creativity and expression were the most relevant ways to teach them how powerful their booming brains could be if they thought critically. the driving force within the entire two months of magic was the value and development of critical thinking though. Basically, ART (in all its forms) triggers sections of the brain that allow reflection, observation, analysis and (most importantly) response.

DIRECTLY from the proposal I wrote for ASPIRE (a supplementary introduction to the proposal was prepared by teachers at Loseling Middle Secondary School):

“
There is no formal art training or critical thinking curriculum in the Bhutanese school system. The time has come to give all children, whether they are enrolled in school or not, the benefit of creative, analytical and expressive concepts and learning opportunities. The problems Bhutanese youth are facing have been caused by a very complex web of issues. These problems are multi-layered and multi-faceted. A simple solution to the problems does not exist. Youth must be encouraged to think critically and creatively in order to find effective solutions for such complex problems (their OWN solutions). Without an ability to analyze and dissect themselves and their environment, the youth of Bhutan will continue to face hardship and suffering as they search for meaning in their lives.
According to the Journal of American Art Therapy, “Meaning’ in art is renewed by the creation process. That process is a way in which life can be examined and processed.” Youth must have a means by which to examine their lives as Bhutan changes rapidly. The same article goes on to state that “there is an aspect of art that can focus more on efforts to create and witness the flow of expression in the images that arrive out of art making. Those images can be used to teach people about the mind. (So emphasis isn’t on fixing, changing, curing or interpreting mental states, they are merely witnessed.)” The youth must find tools that work specifically toward the development of their ability to analyze what is happening around them. These tools will help them understand their surroundings and the rapidly changing society they are an integral part of. It has been proven through quantitative research that brain activity is notably different after drawing or painting for one hour. It is that creative stimulation that can replace the stimulation of substances. Rather than seeking stimulation from external forces, youth can use creativity and expression to discover the things that live within themselves.
“

To put it simply, hooray for the introduction and acknowledgment of the importance of an art curriculum in education systems! This was the first camp in Bhutan that was specially crafted to target HOW youth can think about their role as positive contributors to their country.
[photos from the Closing Ceremony of ASPIRE. The AIR SHAKE ASPIRE mural was inaugurated. A drama performance was presented based on Life Skills lessons led by Mr. Kuenga Tenzin, Ashi Mendharawa Dorji and Mrs. Sonam Paldem. The Changjiji Choir shocked every guest at the ceremony when they performed "Stand By Me". The audience chanted for an encore. Haikus hung amongst the guest as the participants in the creative writing class read them aloud. The children also prepared their very own performances-dancing and singing to the audience's delight!]

Some examples of why this is necessary:
A question like “what are your aspirations?” was-almost-approached with the idea that only one aspiration would be possible for the children living in Changjiji. “how can you ask for five?!” Fortunately, after some reflection on the essence of the camp, it was agreed that children, most of whom are not yet 19 years old, should absolutely have more than one aspiration. (this low level of expectation and motivation was one of the “intriguing details” I discovered.) in an entire lifetime, it is only logical that we be as many different “people” as possible! One life is a lot of years to fill and humans were given these nice huge brains and endless souls to use in the process! not to mention, what better way to apply the creativity they were developing than to have them generate ideas for their life’s accomplishments!

After a brief discussion with the group, it was made clear that aspirations were something like dreams, wishes and goals, but different in the sense that a certain type of hunger has to be driving you to aspire. An aspiration is a heightened goal, not a “realistic one” but a truly ambitious desire. Aspirations, I have always felt, are THE ultimate. They are the product of SEEKING rather than simply wishing and doing. A goal is a goal, an aspiration is much more!

i suppose i knew all along i wouldn't be satisfied simply helping a few kids. i knew i would feel FALSE if i only taught some kids how to draw, paint, build and assemble. And whether or not I knew exactly what I was doing, right from the start, when i (seemingly) crash landed in the Himalayas...this entire attempt was in no way simple.

[Tandin Norbu and Madame Xoch bust a move during AIR SHAKE MURAL prep day. Tandin Norbu is a very talented free style dancer, soccer player and Captain at his school in Changjiji.]

all of this, from start to “end” has involved helping children understand how to figure out what is within them. (it’s not possible to teach them how to express what is inside them if they don’t even know what is inside them, or have never been encouraged to figure it out-when I say encourage the idea of *acceptance* is attached) reassurance was necessary to let them know it was ok to want to figure it out...and it was ok to want to share as they figured it out...

[en route to Phajoding-located above Thimphu. The first of three cultural field trips, the climb to the camp site was 4 hours long and one of the most difficult in Western Bhutan. We all panted, huffed and puffed...some of us (Xoch and most of the other "old folks") thought we might die. Will power and mental strength led the wayand we mastered the challenge, arriving safely at the camp site above the clouds.]
i wanted to encourage them to constantly search for ways to have a look at their insides, check out their surroundings and express how they feel or what they think about the relationship they discover between the two...and that art, in its purest form is simply sharing what your body and mind house. Even if, perhaps what your body and mind houses is difficult for ‘outsiders’ to swallow (outsiders being the folks looking at, watching, talking to, and –hopefully- listening to you)…IT IS ALWAYS VALID. And the beauty is that, when you share the treasures, also known as questions and ideas, within you they begin to change, they bounce off of others and a plethora of other ideas mix, blend sometimes collide with them. And then! Then the lenses in your eyes adjust a little and all the treasures you house feel different, look different and become DIFFERENT. And then…here comes the gold…this magical thing happens. You look in front of you and there’s no book, you look around you and there’s no classroom..you fall silent and realize, most of the time, you just have to look inside yourself and discover things using all that you’re made of! The periphery only serves as an added field of challenges to help develop what is within you.

Then that becomes your compass…and because it is unique to you, it will always help you understand, within your own ideas and reflections, the direction of YOUR SEARCH!

And so…to avoid sounding presumptuous i will simply share my observations.

[Self portraits painted by student in the art class. After five minutes of silent self reflection, the children were asked to paint who they felt they were.]
in a broader sense, the youth in Thimphu (one might safely include the other relatively larger cities in Bhutan) crave individuality. they crave identity, both individually and as a group. they are hungry for knowledge. they are hungry for exposure. they have an almost undeniable desire to share their stories. once shared, they expect to hear others'. they are brave and strong. they are confused and afraid. they are fragile...they are experiencing the most dangerous effects of the modern world's machine. THEY CRAVE THEIR VERY OWN identity-but because the critical analysis that is required to explore things has not triggered yet, they can only think to absorb and imitate.

The camp volunteers, children and I worked together to discover ways that they could search within themselves for methods to find peace of mind and develop their hunger and craving for knowledge. (my approach has never been and will never be one where I take on the role of the superior madame…all knowing and completely in control…I have never been one to spout knowledge, information, blind orders or perspectives. nor have I demanded to be in control in order to teach and learn. it’s a high hope but one I haven’t wanted to give up on: the best teachers understand that the best thing they can do for anyone, regardless of their age is to help them understand how and why to learn. Providing basic knowledge is perhaps the primary focus, but anyone can spout knowledge…a true teacher teaches WHY that knowledge is important and that the most important teacher in anyone’s life is themselves.)

And so I have always and only worked WITH children in Bhutan.

many of the youth in Bhutan quite simply want some clarity, a voice and some freedom.

(after all, they were given a taste of all three when that image making machine reared it's dangerous face before them in the late 90's) perhaps it is a balance they are (usually blindly) searching for. A balance between dependence on all the beauty their traditions offer and independence from the rules of a small, remote and sometimes constricting place. that balance is surely the single most important thing they can find in order to carry their country's future forward.

Now, the beauty begins when one accepts that youth deserve that freedom. (all this depends on perspectives…but logic dictates, a craving and hunger for knowledge can never be nurtured if youngsters aren’t free to explore anything and everything)

I will digress a little bit and touch upon the “aspiration(S!)”--the final step in the ASPIRE camp was that the children had to write their aspirations. The aspirations would then serve as their promise to themselves. the list-the “situation” it required to request a list and not a single aspiration was a major revelation for me in terms of why certain situations exist in Thimphu- would be signed by the HRH Dasho Jigyel Ugyen Wangchuck and the “camp coordinators”. That the children were able to search within themselves and decide, based on what they discovered, where they wanted to start their search was incredible. At the start of the camp, such a reflective process was not possible.

A major factor in the creation of the children’s list of aspirations was quite simply their acquisition of more TOOLS. when it was made clear that the more TOOLS (both academic and creative, tangible and not) they have, the more free they would be, their potential began to glow. When the youngsters discovered that if those tools are individualized and modified the REAL MAGIC began! they began to understand that this was one way to achieve maximum applicability of their tools and power through their tools!

There are different types of freedom. Wait…no. To be free and running wild and unguided is not actually freedom. That’s the interesting idea we all have at some point in our life of what freedom might be. To be free and running with understanding, perhaps the most basic understanding, of the simple fact that one is running, and desire to grow wisdom’s wings (instead of a chicken’s flappers)…well…that is true freedom. Whether one is running from or toward something is relative and doesn’t always matter considering more often than not, both directions guide the course. Of course both of these concepts of freedom serve very intriguing and interesting purposes…one is just more dangerous than the other-more counter-productive (or maybe the slower, longer and more confusing route).

[Dawa and Yeshey listen carefully to the words of an elder who was visiting the historic Kichu Monastery at the same time as the ASPIRE camp during the Paro cultural field trip.]

So let’s just get to the nitty gritty of it. There’s an alarming substance abuse problem in youth in Bhutan, more specifically in its capitol city. The only number I could give is based on the hundreds of youth I’ve worked with since coming to Bhutan (all of whom are below the age of 21)…and sadly, the “number” I have observed is something like 85%. That number of course is approximate and involves only youth, I've worked with. This figure is the number who have used or are using. The number goes up if I address youth who know about, have tried or know someone who has tried or uses substances regularly.

Youth often mention “family problem” issues when asked what leads them to abuse substances. These “family problems” are, of course, a cause for emotional distress and turmoil…however, the substance abuse is not caused by domestic violence. Substances are used as the coping tool because youth don’t know how else they might be able to cope.

And this is where I realize my years of youthful madness can be used for positive things. When I started using ART as my coping tool the magic of tough stuff revealed itself to me. Of course, it’s tough. Of course, it’s confusing and painful. Of course, you feel like a baby sea turtle running desperately for the ocean.

ART gives you eyes! Rather, it allows you to adjust your lenses and focus your line of sight in whatever way your insides command. It requires honesty, doubt, questions, mirrors, darkness, light and answers…or the acknowledgement that there is an answer. I guess most of the time, just knowing there’s actually a way to find the answers (that are indeed out there somewhere) can give you more peace of mind and hope than anything else in the world.

I’m glad I was able to help the children I worked with let their hunger for answers grow. I’m happy I was able to help them find hope for the answers that are sure to come.

And so…at the end of this time in the Kingdom of Bhutan I find I can only do what I enjoy doing most.

I SMILE.

I travelled here to share worlds.
I travelled here with respect and care for our world’s youth.
I travelled here to ‘keep hope alive’.

I cannot say precisely how I helped (only those who feel I did could say). I cannot say what hope I helped keep alive.
I can only say that within myself I have found hope I never knew existed. HOPE lives in the questions…and it lives in the possibility of an answer. HOPE lives and breathes in the voices and smiles of the children I had the incredible honor of knowing.

As always…there is more to come.

I send all of you my warmest greetings from the Kingdom of Bhutan.

Neighborhood Watch

2010-09-01T00:24:00.000-07:00

...the second (and final) beautiful situation of the last two months, born out of the personal grant from the Ella Lyman Cabot Trust Fund that made it possible for me to spend this time in Bhutan...

...my time here is moving rapidly, i can't say when it will end...if it will every truly and completely end (i have a feeling it won't ever). i'm not usually easily proud but i am proud to have done what i said i would do. bends and turns in the road were a plenty (which is appropriate for this remote himalayan land). i have been opened in ways that led me to feel absolutely uncomfortable. i have been opened in ways that led me to feel absolutely invincible and courageous. i have been closed in ways that helped me understand what is necessary to survive and grow. i have been closed in ways that helped me understand the implications of comfort and perspectives. i have fallen and i have risen. all these things, i'm sure i will revisit for you all at a later date...for now, the most important thing to mention is pulled directly from the last line of the proposal i submitted to receive funding to travel to Bhutan:

"it is a bhuddist belief that 'if you are able to touch one thing with deep reverance and awareness, you have touched everything'."

that was my hope...i knew that if i was able to do that, every minute of my time in Bhutan, this journey would be everything i hoped it would be. for myself and more imporantly for the children.

and so...i will tell you all about the final project of the year i have spent in Bhutan.

“THE COLLECTED INVITE THE PUBLIC TO CELEBRATE AND SHARE LIFE THROUGH ART.”

On August 21, 2010 250+ youth from Changjiji hosted Thimphu’s first ever projection based international public art exhibition. The exhibition is called Neighborhood Watch. 11 cities simultaneously hosted the exhibition and showcased work from 13 different cities across the globe. Youth from Changjiji built a river of questions down the middle of the open air amphitheater and played an active and crucial role in engaging the community in the exhibition.

Children from the ASPIRE after school camp gathered at the amphitheater in Changjiji (which has only been used once for a community event since it was inaugurated three years ago) at 2:00 p.m. on August 21st. They carried two stones each from the river that flows through Changjiji, throwing them down on the ground when they reached the amphitheater. Poster board in one hand, crayons in the other, the children were ready to pose their questions. These children observed and helped with the entire set up process of Neighborhood Watch. As things usually occur in Bhutan, the tiny details are the more difficult ones to take care of. In the case of Neighborhood Watch, we were in serious need of electricity and overlooked the fact that electricity is not as easy to come by in Bhutan as it is in other places. And so, with the combined effort of many lovely lovely folks, we were able to wire some electricity together from a few different sources and the show was powered! The children watched every step and when night fell, we switched a huge light on their river of questions, lighting its course. Moments later, (after some very funny power outages and a smoking projector) eight projectors illuminated the walls of the buildings surrounding the amphitheater. As the children walked around looking at the images, their faces filled with curiosity. They were simultaneously fascinated by the projections themselves (light on walls coming from a machine) and the images that were being projected. They danced in front of the images, stood as beautiful canvas in the light of the projectors as the images streamed on them. Other visitors stopped and watched intently, waiting for something (I could never say what exactly). Dancing broke out, simultaneous song and the endless sound of CONVERSATION filled the air until 9:00 p.m.

That night (among some other close runnersup) was the closest I have ever come to TRUTH AND BEAUTY in my life.

Some Neighborhood Watch factNESS:

The method of the exhibition functions to challenge ideas of public and private space, how interaction can occur and exist in both, as well as how to address the barriers that are created by private spaces. Artists in the Neighborhood Watch Collective are called upon to create art work that is a reflection of their time and place. Essentially, the work aims to reflect life. As it is projected in public space, the artists are sharing their lives productively with others around the world.
Neighborhood Watch utilizes a unique method to carry out its mission. This is a completely community driven public art installation. Digital images of art work are projected onto the exterior walls of homes and three dimensional work (sculpture) is installed in the yards of homes. Everyone (the public, the artists and all inhabitants of the city and environment) is invited to watch and talk as they take a walk amongst the art work. The project hopes to spark conversations, questions, ideas and perspectives that can be shared through an interactive process. It is Neighborhood Watch’s hope that such an exhibition allows the community to interact with one another and share in an experience and a learning process, positively and productively.

Neighborhood Watch:A Projection Walk hoped to serve as a bridge over which societies across the world could participate in a true artistic exchange-a genuine exchange of the human soul. Participation, interaction, involvement and exchange of ideas were all made possible through participation from ASPIRE participants along with the Changjiji Community.

artists from the following cities partipated (8 of the cities held the exhibition simultaneously on August 21):

thimphu-BHUTAN
el paso, texas-USA
melbourne-AUS
tampa, florida-USA
lubbock, texas-USA
austin, texas-USa
san antonio, texas-USA
victoria, texas-USA
oslo-NORWAY
san fransisco, california-USA
seattle, washington-USA
bangkok-THAILAND
JUAREZ-MEXICO!!!

cheers!!

i am most excited to say...as always...there is more to come

i send my warmest greetings from the EVER LOVELY Kingdom of Bhutan!

(all rights to photos are reserved by the Neighborhood Watch Collective and those artists responsible for the work. thank you for respecting this initiative's enthusiasm to share these photos with you for your viewing pleasure)

up where we belong...

2010-08-30T23:09:00.000-07:00

Dusty red rooftops form patchwork where green paddy fields once lived. Friends of mine have recounted the way the area used to look some time ago. From what I gather, it must have floated on the surface of the earth, the way most of Paro seems to do. When I think of what the area used to be, I imagine the wind blowing making those incredible ripples and waves in oceans of paddy field, melting and morphing ever shade of green that lives in them. These are images I keep in my mind from short trips taken to Paro. These are images I see in my dreams. These are images that echo between the dusty red rooftops as I walk through the Changjiji Housing Complex.

When I hear stories of what Changjiji used to be I can’t ignore this strange sense of loss resonating in my chest. The peace and simplicity that used to live in Changjiji has disappeared. The housing complex has taken over the entire area. Block number 52 sits ten feet away from block number 53. Today, within those ten feet it is common to find youngsters hiding, carrying out any one of many different activities, the least severe of which would be smoking cigarettes.

While there are some obvious measures that could be taken in order to fix the “youth problem” as some may refer to it, there’s a not-so-obvious route being taken in Changjiji these days. Inspiring youth to crave the ability to reason and understand the world they are living in could possibly turn the “youth problem” flat on its back. Youngsters have to be encouraged to reflect on their world in healthy ways and to react to their world through positive means. The “ASPIRE” after school camp for critical thinking, creativity and expression hopes to teach them how they might be able to do that.

"ASPIRE" was born out of a desire to help the youth in the Changjiji Housing Complex through extra-curricular education, diverse exposure and positive use of time. Its approach is systematic, its reach is extensive and it's aims are heartfelt. Essentially, this camp was born out of hope. Perhaps it is best to start at the beginning.

The youth in Changjiji are suffering. They are not necessarily “bad”, they are simply swimming in this new (red roof top) ocean without any navigation system. It's difficult to say how things got so difficult for them in this particular neighborhood in Bhutan. These types of situations are usually the product of so many things; things that are usually left kindling in the heat of many tiny untouchable things. These things, after some time spent kindling, burst into flames and the fire grows. Perhaps I'm being too dramatic. I am not referring to a forest fire just yet...the situation in Changjiji is more like an out of control cooking fire. As for the children, they are in the cooking pot. As for the cooking pot, it' boiling over.
"Madame, I don't like my father. He is drunk always...he beats and sleeps. I cannot stay there."

"Madame, I have to fight. We all do. We get to show our fighting styles and show who is boss."

"Madame, kids go to the bridge to date but they have more than one boyfriend. They are having affairs."

"We make gang to protect ourselves. if someone comes we slice them"...when asked if they feel bad because other people are frightened, they respond, "no Madame, they can join and also be protected"...when I ask what they are protecting themselves from, the response is "it's just like that."

"My friend's grab my arm and twist. It's just like that, Madame"...this said with penetrating and somehow gentle intensity in her eyes.
These are the stories the children of Changjiji have to tell.

"Broken homes" are common in the housing complex. Children can reenact domestic violence scenes as though they themselves were inebriated parents committing physically aggressive or abusive or emotionally abusive acts. There are 12 year old boys who know the names of every drug in Bhutan, where to find it and just how to use it. Those same boys are filled with fear to walk alone at night because they may wind up in the violent arms of an older boy. Those same boys are likely to be convinced that gangs are their safe haven and the only people who can show them "compassion". The number of school drop outs has also increased and the effects of their influence on in school children is alarming. 14 year old girls have friends who have multiple sex partners. It is normal for these children to see fights. It is normal for them to be confused and be left with countless unanswered questions. It is normal for them to feel afraid. Suffering, in all its varied manifestations is normal.

This is compassion gone wrong. This is defense systems smashing crashing themselves into offense systems. This is unrest in the peaceful kingdom. This is suffering in the land of happiness. This is a generational gap taking its casualties. This is fear unbridled. This is confusion exploding and imploding. This is misguidance and misunderstanding. This is not supposed to happen but it is happening.

In the face of all this, the children of Changjiji continue to smile. Their ability to keep smiling coupled with the absolute fact that these situations should not exist in Bhutan are the reason for the intiation of "ASPIRE".

At a time when the situation was almost irreversible, school teachers Sonam Palden and Kuenga Tenzin initiated Changjiji's first out of school camp in the summer of 2010. The "Tarayana Summer Camp for Leadership, Arts and Hope" was initiated by the counselors after systematic and careful observation and ground analysis of the youth situation in Changjiji. It was a ten day camp geared toward inspiring leadership, exposing the children to art and providing the community with hope. The camp was designed specifically for forty youth who were a part of the counseling system at Loselling M.S.S. Facilitator were chosen from diverse backgrounds, specialties and walks of life. Much to the camp facilitators' surprises, on the first day of the camp seventy bright youth stood in the common grounds of the school waiting to be registered. And so it began. The children were hungry for the opportunity. The children were ready for the opportunity.

The Tarayana Summer Camp for Leadership, Arts and Hope was a huge success. One could say that the product of the children's week in camp was difficult to swallow. Paintings screamed with dark, dramatic lines and colors. Poems sang of their suffering. A newsletter revealed the issues, setbacks and hardships of the Changjiji Housing Complex. Difficulty swallowing such displays is to be expected, but ignoring such displays is unacceptable.

It was obvious that the initiative had only just begun to see its potential. A (some might have said ambitious and impossible) proposal was drafted for a follow up initiative that would use a similar framework and systematic approach. As they usually do in Bhutan, the stars aligned and the United Nations Volunteer Fund, The Bhutan Olympic Committee and other private sponsors made it possible to carry out the extensive two month after school camp for creativity, critical thinking and expression.

The youth situation (I will now refer to it as a “situation” because I always stay away from the idea of any youth being a "problem") in Bhutan, is far from simple. To find a solution to the issues that are boiling over in Changjiji is no small task. However, it can be said that the youth situation's seeds are in Changjiji. The negative aspects of life in Changjiji are pumping through the veins of Thimphu making Changjiji the epicenter of the problems youth are facing in today's Bhutan. According to counselors at Loselling M.S.S., the number of students abusing cigarettes, alcohol, drugs and other psychotropic substances has inexorably escalated. Frequent gang fights have resulted in injuries to the young children of Changjiji, while drug use is crippling their health, minds and spirits.
We couldn’t just ignore it. We couldn’t just push the issue aside with stern punishment. Youth should not be kicked out of school, nor should they be held in jail so long that it becomes impossible for them to return to school. While these are, perhaps, just punishments for some of the things youth in Bhutan are stumbling their way into, these punishments are in some ways, counter-productive. Attitudes have to be nourished, guided, and even changed in many cases. Quite simply, youngsters need help because they don’t understand what’s happening around them, whether it deals with their own selves, their families, their community , their country or their society.

"ASPIRE" was aimed at reaching out to the youth of Changjiji to stop this multi-faceted problem from its source, directly at its core. It can be said that substance abuse, gang fights and rebellious behavior are forms of crying out, acts of sheer boredom or acts of frustration and anger. The youth of Bhutan are craving individuality and a means by which to express themselves and this camp was designed specifically to cater to their hunger. Ten facilitators and mentors serve as the gears of this huge machine. They have all volunteered their participation driven by a sincere belief in the absolute necessity of this new initiative.

“I could have the worst day ever. I could be feeling so low, but at the end of the day, after I’ve spent that time there I remember why I’m alive,” says Tenzin Namgyel, an ‘all-around’ volunteer who is contributing his experience and time to an initiative of this nature for the first time in his life.

All of the facilitators and volunteers contributing to ASPIRE hail from different walks of life. They all have different talents. They are all what one might describe as "different". From musicians to rugby coaches, visual artists to life skills experts, athletic coaches to writers and all the way through to street and theater performers-this is the fabric of the courses the children are offered during the course of ASPIRE.

“The camp that is being conducted at Changjiji is the sort of camp that should be conducted in every school in Bhutan. This camp is building a foundation and it’s the right way to go about things. Instead of telling them to do this or that, it’s helping to show them how they can decide what to do and how to do it best and as individuals,” Tshering Wangdi reflects as he remembers the first week of the camp he observed in mid-August.

The camp was meant to supplement the education youth receive during school hours with alternative education that could teach them how to use their time positively and constructively. The camp starts everyday with classes in five different sports activities made possible by the Bhutan Olympic committee. The children are split into groups and participate in basketball, football, rugby, athletics or taikwando. ASPIRE’s core curriculum offers classes in visual art, creative writing, forum theater, music, life skills and Driglam Namzha. To supplement their weekly lessons, campers are also taken on cultural field trips during the weekends. These field trips are intended to utilize their free time and remind them of the culture they must keep intact as they move their country forward.

Substance abuse is a major issue in the youth of Bhutan and is a major tangible target issue this camp would like to resolve. Substances are used as substitutes for boredom, quick fixes for emotional turmoil and as forms of stimulation. There isn't anything wrong with feeling bored. Every human does! There isn't anything wrong with being confused or feeling sad or angry. Every human does! There isn't anything wrong with craving some sort of stimulation either. Every human does! These things become a problem when they are evident in youth as young as 12 years old-youth who don't have the capacity or the facilities to process those feelings and react to them positively.

“It’s the ‘boredom in the kingdom syndrome, that no one does anything about”, says Jurmi Chhowing, creative writing facilitator.

ASPIRE is hoping to nurture that capacity and provide them with those facilities. Without these two essential things, youth will likely have a difficult time leading the future of their country. Youth must be given a guided opportunity to create the evolution of their culture. To create the evolution of the times they have been given.

There's not a doubt about it. The times they are facing are beyond our (I'm talking about us old folks) comprehension. Older generations can challenge the youth of Bhutan to rise and participate in moving their culture, traditions and progress respectfully forward. However, without guiding them relevantly, the youth will likely boil over in that cooking pot.

Art, in its innumerable forms, is a language that all humans can use to communicate. It moves across and defies racial, social, educational, and economic barriers and enhances cultural appreciation and awareness. If Bhutan’s culture and tradition is to continue to survive and flourish its youth must understand and accept their roles as guardians of the country’s future. They must discover the power art has in fulfilling that role. In order to effectively serve as those guardians, youth must have an understanding of how they might advance and contribute to the country’s future. In order to effectively contribute to their future and realize the lives they wish to carry out, youth must be able to effectively communicate and express themselves. They must be able to think critically. Youth must be aware of and embrace every communicative and expressive tool that is available to them as they carry Bhutan’s future forward. They must take advantage of their expressive tools and utilize them to affect positive changes in their lives.

Youth must be encouraged to think critically and creatively in order to find effective solutions for such complex problems. Without an ability to analyze and dissect themselves and their environment, the youth of Bhutan will continue to face hardship and suffering as they search for meaning in their lives.
Older generations can challenge the youth of Bhutan to rise and participate in society. Older generations can call upon the youth of Bhutan to move their culture and traditions respectfully forward. However, without guiding them relevantly, the youth will likely boil over in that cooking pot.

The children of Changjiji continue to smile. Those very smiles should never be ignored. Those very smiles are hope personified.

Those very smiles are a living breathing testament to the power the youth of Bhutan have and the potential they carry within them to ASPIRE to be anything and everything they may ever wish to be.

(this blog will be published in DRUKPA magazine, Bhutan's first ever monthly news magazine. if you are in Bhutan i certainly hope you will subscribe. if you are not in Bhutan i recommend you visit DRUKPA's website: www.drukpa.bt )

as always...there is more to come...

i send my warmest greetings from the Kingdom of Bhutan...

"there are no children here"

2010-07-06T04:52:00.000-07:00

I've spent these last few days in Changjiji. The Tarayana Foundation has kindly sponsored the "Tarayana Summer Camp for Leadership, Art and Hope" in Changjiji. It is Changjiji's first out of school camp and it couldn’t come at a better time. Changjiji is suffering.

During our daily one hour sessions, each group of camp participants shares their stories with me. They are all between the ages of 12 and 19.

"Madame, I don't like my father. He is drunk always...he beats and sleeps. I cannot stay there."

"Madame, I have to fight. We all do. We get to show our fighting styles and show who is boss."

"Madame, kids go to the bridge to date but they have more than one boyfriend. They are having affairs."

"We make gang to protect ourselves. if someone comes we slice them"...when asked if they feel bad because other people are frightened, they respond, "no Madame, they can join and also be protected"...when I ask what they are protecting themselves from, the response is "it's just like that."

"My friend's grab my arm and twist. It's just like that, Madame"...this said with penetrating and somehow gentle intensity in her eyes.

"Yes madame! I went roaming up up up and thats where I had first N10 [a drug]. My head was like this after [moving his small fingers in circles with an innocent smile]."

"Drugs make everything fine. When parents beat or friends beat or parents divorce...its just like that."

"If older boy says, I have to do, madame."

"Too scared to walk at night alone, Madame. They will rag [steal] on me. If I don't give they'll beat and maybe stab."

"Madame, you cannot call the police. They will not come and when they come it's late. They are afraid of the bosses."

"Madame! Last year I left home for six months tour of Bhutan, didn't inform my parents. Went for tour of all Bhutan!" When asked if he saw everything he needed to see, his response was..."no Madame, I like to see other places. Much nicer than here and parents will only scold and beat for one day. I was gone six months."

A 13 year old boy looks at me and says "Madame, I'll tell you one story. A man didn’t give me 5 rupees for the bus to go to the emergency room. I got my friends and took 500 from him. I just reached like this into his box and took. This is for revenge. I have to show I'm boss.” When I explained that a simple act of unkindness or perhaps greed, or maybe flat out poverty led him to respond in a way that was at least 100 times worse than what this man did, the boy explains, "If I need he should give."

This is compassion gone wrong. This is defense systems smashing crashing themselves into offense systems. This is unrest in the peaceful kingdom. This is suffering in the land of happiness. This is a generational gap taking its casualties. This is fear unbridled. This is confusion exploding and imploding. This is misguidance and misunderstanding. All of this is very sad.

I often ask myself, how did this happen? Is all this in us as humans? Is there no way to stop it because it is in fact our nature? Is it a fact of nature or is it the absence of proper nurturing? (Oh that age old debate between nature and nurture!)

These young humans are in no way weak. They are, indeed, very strong. Stronger than I can ever remember being when I was a girl. I could probably safely say they are also stronger than I can imagine being now as an older lady. 12 year old boys who know the names of every drug in Bhutan and just how to use it, those same boys filled with fear to walk alone at night because they may wind up in the violent arms of an older boy. 13 year old girls whose friends have multiple sex partners. It is normal for them to see fights. It is normal for them to feel afraid. And still, they smile.

I know a few neighborhoods back home that have hints and pieces of such problems. and of course, there are certain large cities in the U.S. a lady like myself would not even dare driving through, much less walk. However, in Bhutan?

How did this happen in Bhutan?

Parents are not debilitated with fear, parents are not being stabbed by gang members, parents do not even like to admit their children are going through these things, much less taking part in such things. So this only makes me ask again, in a country where its youth are the priority how did this happen in Bhutan?

Amidst an infinite and very complex web of causes and effects I manage to pull something from the sticky strings. That is, the idea of little humans growing up to be products of their environment.

Now, when I observe and question whether these little humans are a product of their environment I cannot ignore the voice in my head telling me this is one of the reasons for the problem. It is never completely a child's fault when they wind up behaving badly. There are so many factors that contribute to the LOSS OF VALUES that has led them to behave badly. This only leads me to ask how BHUTAN is home to such an environment. It's important to keep in mind that when I use the word 'environment' I am referring to an untouchable thing. I am referring to the workings of a machine that is, obviously, beyond control. I am referring to images and ideas about a world that is only seen on a screen. I am referring to mothers and fathers who are products of their own environments and are perpetuating this new environment. I am referring to the real and honest concern and attention that is missing in the broader realm of what these children are exposed to.

In a land where prayer flags flap in the wind everywhere, where mountains foster peace on their peaks…in a land where spiritual connections are living, breathing, walking beings...where the King plays soccer barefoot with boys from rural villages…how did this happen in a land like this? Has this happened because this new environment (the outside one) came too fast? Has this happened because the two environments that merged together didn't actually merge...they CRASHED. Though this country's development model in its great wisdom is designed to avoid the mistakes other developing and developed countries have made, something isn't working. Perhaps, it’s better to say something malfunctioned. Perhaps I am too close to the matter. Perhaps, the tremendous love I have for this country has made me worry too much. Be it as it may, these problems that might seem normal in other places, are especially heartbreaking to find here. Of course, I've always been a bit too sensitive and perhaps I'm speaking too soon.
Perhaps. But then again, Bhutan is small. There are stabbings nearly every week. Children are ‘roaming’ and hiding in friends' houses instead of going home. 12 year old girls speak of their promiscuous friends. At least half a city is abusing or has abused substances by the age of 15 (please do forgive me if this is inaccurate, but the children and I made an educated guess). Alcoholism is present in adults and youth.

Something has malfunctioned.

I could not say what it is that has malfunctioned. I even hesitate to write these things about Bhutan because I am not from this beautiful place and no given number of hours spent with youth could ever allow me to fully understand the scope of this situation. However, I have to share what I have seen and what the youth I have worked with have shared with me. I've always been one for honesty. The children deserve honesty. They deserve honesty because if that's absent, things will never be better for them.

Now, it must be made clear that Bhutan's most precarious youth situation lives in Changjiji. It is for that reason that this summer camp was organized there. Sonam Pelden is a counselor at Loselling Middle Secondary School and was instrumental in designing this camp. In her mighty wisdom and because of her admirable concern and dedication, she decided that something had to be done for these youngsters during their summer break. The situation is such that it is, in fact, possible that occupying their idle time like this, could avoid one more fight in Changjiji…could avoid one more stabbing in Changjiji...could avoid one more youngster starting a drug habit. Originally, the participants in the summer camp included 40 students who were nominated by the two school counselors from Loselling Middle Secondary School. These forty children were selected because they were more 'at risk' than the rest of the students. They are believed to be the MOST 'at risk' in-school youngsters in Changjiji. Unfortunately, most of these youngsters didn't turn up. 67 other youngsters, however, did turn up!! Of course, this has made the camp a bit more challenging for the volunteers who are guiding the workshops, but we probably all agree, we couldn't be more excited!

A young girl asked me today, "Madame, why do you like Bhutan?" I thought for a moment and replied "Bhutan gives me hope."

She smiled and continued questioning me curiously, "But why Madame? You are from America. That's the best place!" I answered, "Oh my dear, America has many many problems...we've just practiced hiding them for a long time. In Bhutan, there are no secrets. If I keep my eyes open I see so many things here. My country will never fix things because we are not always honest. People would rather close their eyes. In Bhutan, everything is very honest [whether purposely or accidently]...so there's hope to fix it because it cannot be hidden."

She smiled and I only hope she understood. At the very least, I know she was proud to be part of hope.

Thinking back to the things these youngsters have said to me in the last few days, I can only imagine what the selected students might have to say. My heart tightens when I think of what they might have said. My heart tightens when I wonder what they might be doing instead of attending the summer camp.

It’s unfortunate that they aren't part of the beautiful things that have been happened in the last four days. To effectively and thoroughly understand the stories we're trying to tell in our 'forum-theater' based performances the little humans and I have been systematically breaking down issues of substance abuse, violence, "affairs", crime, and sanitation. All of these issues are boiling over in Changjiji.

Our analysis method is simple. We start with one sentence that identifies the problem. 1) "Substance abuse is an increasing problem among youth in Changjiji." 2) "Changjiji is no longer safe due to an increase in violent incidents." 3) "Youth in Changjiji are increasingly having intimate affairs with multiple partners." 4) "Crime and fear are growing together making Changjiji a dangerous place to live." 5) "Poor sanitation is leading to low health standards and living standards in Changjiji."

After identifying the problem in one sentence, we identify the causes and effects of the problem together. I ask the youngsters questions and they also ask me questions. At this point, the chalkboard goes white with scribbled thoughts. Arrows shoot from one side of the board to the other showing us how EVERYTHING IS CONNECTED and problems NEVER simply exist. They are always a product of many tiny details compounded together.

After breaking down the drug problem, one youngster pointed at the right side of the board and moved his hand to the left. He said "Madame, if the government stopped drugs in Phuentsholing [Bhutan's biggest border city and the port through which nearly all goods enter Bhutan] they would never reach Thimphu. There would be no drugs?"

I smile. This camp is indeed a “Camp for Leadership, Art and Hope.”

The youngsters are full of wisdom and insight. They know what is happening they just don't always understand it. They FEEL the effects of what could (most) simply be described as "tick tock KABOOM" they just don't always understand how to make those effects postivie…because they're only children.

The last two days of the workshop ended with 72 children singing "Blowing in the Wind" (a song by the American musician Bob Dylan) in unison. The group, made up of gang members, drug users, victims of domestic violence and more fortunate and innocent youth, sang louder as the chorus came. "The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind...the answer is blowing in the wind."

I explained before we started learning "Blowin' in the Wind" that Bob Dylan changed the world of music. He sang songs of beauty to respond to an ugly war-one of the most violent and unnecessary war's the U.S. has ever been a part of. Rather than responding with anger and violence he sang beauty and the world heard him. I explained that when Dylan was interviewed about his music, reporters would ask, "Are you writing protest songs? Are you writing songs about the war?" and Dylan's response was always, "Na man...I just write about what I see."

I explained that Dylan simply told the truth. As his eyes saw it he sang it. He simply sang reality. The youngsters looked at me and nodded that hard and certain nod they rarely use.

As I looked at their faces it rang in my ears...the title of a book by Alex Kotlowitz I read long ago:
"There Are No Children Here."

But there are children here. They are children.

THEY ARE ALL CHILDREN.

as always...there is more to come.

i send greetings from the ever-lovely Kingdom of Bhutan.

Changjiji GOODNESS!

2010-06-26T04:35:00.001-07:00

we visited the site for Neighborhood Watch today. we've decided that we will be using the projections in the exhibition to blanket the buildings in digitalized rice paddy fields. below the projections, on the metal suddered doors, we will have a seperate set of projections that will stream interviews with the oldest generations of Bhutan, alternating with interviews with the youngest generations of Bhutan. These projections will only show mouths speaking. It is our hope that we'll be able to gather enough projectors to have at least 9 voice installations running at once. the stories they will share will blend into one voice...made of the voices of Bhutan that are falling farther and farther away from eachother as progress threatens "the great divide"'s growth.this particular projection will open and close the exhibition.

today, in the gleaming himalayan sun, tenzin dorji shared his memories of what Changjiji used to be. "This land was all the most beautiful paddy fields in Thimphu. It was green. When i was young we would drive on the road above and look down at the paddy fields. I lived just across the expressway, and when i would look there was nothing here except the old homes that you can see [behind and amidst] the new buildings." later on, as we are walking toward the expressway to get a cab back to town he says quietly, "i suppose cities always change..."

it is tenzin's memories of Changjiji that have sparked our desire to show Changjiji as it once was, using projection. Bhutan has changed drastically...those changes have been most drastic in Bhutan's capitol city...and, as Bhutan approaches development carefully, as I talk more with the artists who will participate in this exhibition I realize more and more that the Bhutanese truly hope to 'develop' respectfully and with dedication to the Bhutan that once was. Their land and values are indeed a part of them...and when I hear people reflect on the changes that have swept into Bhutan I can't help but feel frustrated and truly touched. Does anyone else speak of their land so beautifully and honestly? Is there any place left in the the world that is EVEN ATTEMPTING to approach modernization the way Bhutan is?

................................................................................?

Tensin remarked, "when the buildings are built they don't actually think about it. they just build. there is no green left in changjiji...and these buildings have not even been planned for."

along with the tremendous visual presence this housing complex has, Changjiji is also Thimphu's most fragile neighborhood. It has fallen victim to the effects of rapid modernization...poverty, gang violence, drugs, general "youth problems"...all these issues, which didn't used to exist in Bhutan...are festering in Changjiji. With the help of the Royal Bhutan Police, a new law enforcement outpost has been built in Changjiji. the crime rate has fallen according to young children who Tshering Dorji talked with while we visited the site. however, "the gangs still fight on the other side of the housing complex, opposite the police outpost". theft and burglary are still a problem and the children of Changjiji are often found skipping school or performing poorly. unhealthy domestic situations are still present and presence of gangs (and their influence) is still an issue. along with work that will reflect physical change and the passage of time in this kingdom, work will also reflect the social changes that have occurred...

i share some photos of the sight with you all.

as always...there is more to come!

i send my most excited greetings from the beautiful Kingdom of Bhutan!

Neighborhood Watch

2010-06-24T03:54:00.000-07:00

I've been hesitant to write about this because I haven't been sure whether everything would come together. After meeting with the (FANTASTIC!) artists from Dato Creative studio and Happy Valley, I am full of hope and excitement.

Thimphu, Bhutan (in collaboration with at least 10 other cities across this crazy planet) will be initiating its first ever completely public projection art walk project. "Neighborhood Watch:A Projection Walk" will be held in Thimphu BHUTAN, El Paso TX, Tampa FL, Austin TX, San Antonio TX, Seattle WA, Oslo NORWAY, Copenhagen DENMARK, Paris FRANCE, Melbourne AUSTRALIA and Juarez MEXICO (this one is pending on account of the current safety situation, but it is my hope that we can find a way to execute the project safely...fingers crossed everyone).

I'll give you all some background on the project:

eighborhood Watch was initiated by Chelsea Goodwin in Tampa, Florida. It was inspired by the “Lights on Tampa” exhibition. a group of graduate students from the University of Florida came together and began discussing the possibility of mixing classic American drive-in theatre, some delicious grass roots organization and the kind spirit that is naturally shared when we are members of a common community together to create a public work exhibition. the initiative was aimed at sharing art with the public using complete access as its method.

in 2008, Jaime Carrejo, who was an original member of the planning group in Florida, moved back to his hometown of El Paso to take a professor in residence position at the University of Texas at El Paso. it was there that he and I met and decided to take on the challenge of such a project.

along with projections, we installed three-dimensional work in participating neighbors’ yards.

in 2008, the project was coordinated between El Paso and Florida and was submitted to the VISION 08 Festival in Chicago that year.

the ultimate goal of the project was that every time an artist relocated they could initiate the project in the city where they were based. in this way the project was to spread to multiple cities across the U.S. with dedication to the spirit of sharing life through art.

the method:
digital images of art work are projected onto the exterior walls of homes and three dimensional work is installed in the yards of homes. everyone (the public, the artists and all inhabitants of the city and environment) is invited to watch and talk as they took a walk amongst the art work. the project hoped to spark conversations, questions, ideas and perspectives that could be shared in this process.

ephemeral art:
ephemeral art does not exist permanently. It lives for a brief moment, or perhaps a long breath and then it’s gone. this exhibition, by nature is ephemeral. it is installed in one day and it opens for a single night. the public is invited to join Neighborhood Watch in viewing, interacting with and discussing the art work that is exhibited. the art work, the discussions and the ideas that are raised during the exhibition flourish through the night and, if successful, the exhibition opens up topics of discussion and a sharing of ideas that will carry on after the exhibition has closed.

non profit ideals:
there is no monetary compensation for this project, only general wonderful feelings that come with sharing our work with our neighbors around the world.

Now,when i decided to come to Bhutan I had to be certain of what i wanted to do while i was here. i was going to work with youth. i was going to teach sculpture. i wanted to discover the many ways in which art can help us live alongside them. i look back now and i realize, that while the children at VAST have developed their abilities to think three-dimensionally, that lesson is perhaps a tiny shimmering flicker in a sea of very beautiful and booming stellar lights! with two months left in Bhutan, i smile. i believe that we took on this adventure together and we have all learned so very much. (we of course referring to the 200 plus young people i've worked closely with during my time in Bhutan...and some lady named xochitl) perhaps, when the time is closer for me to depart...for me to return... i'll share in more detail what precisely i have learned and what i hope they have learned.

right now, however, i will say that i only hoped i would be able to reach a point in the project to be able to introduce something like "Neighborhood Watch" in Thimphu. in all honesty, i've only just realized how much Neighborhood Watch, in many ways, has shaped my own hopes for art...and the hopes i have for whatever work i make in my life. the sheer thought of being able to offer Neighborhood Watch to these beautiful Bhutanese people gives me goosebumps.

Neighborhood Watch exhibits work that is a reflection of your time and place in the world. initially, the idea was that participating cities would have live feeds going down...and each city would be connected via cyber space. so...essentially, by attending one exhibition in your own city, you had a chance to attend the exhibits in the other cities. and if the work submitted is effective, you get to have a glimpse into the life of worlds you don't live in. unfortunately, due to technical difficulties, we've had a hard time making this live feed work. and now, considering HUGE time zone differences, live feeds will be difficult. however, we're working on getting a website operational so that whatever is missed due to physical challenges can be viewed on the website.

the project is incredible and often times, i have trouble even getting my head around the tremendous power of such an exhibition. in bhutan, specifically, i am truly overwhelmed with the potential of such a project. this exhibition will be the first of its kind in bhutan. my goodness!...this exhibition is Bhutan's 'first' in many ways. as i wrote in one of my first blogs, 'contemporary art' is a completely foreign entity in Bhutan. a great majority of Bhutanese have never seen a single piece of contemporary art--eastern or western. most arent aware of how art has shaped the world...how art CAN shape the world, echo the world...make the world. considering Bhutan's present situation (the situation that involves the big huge world meeting Bhutan's protected safe and beautiful world) the work that will be created for this exhibition will be unlike any other work submitted...the potential for these participating artists to reveal so many truths about the world is tremendous! we've discussed briefly during our first few meetings the duality of Bhutanese existence. Bhutan is living in two worlds at once. Bhutan is living in two 'times'.

It is important to keep in mind, drastic and rapid urbanization is one of Bhutan's most significant issues presently. I suppose one could argue that is THE broad issue from which every other issue stems. For Bhutan's leg of the exhibition, I proposed we hold Neighborhood Watch in Changjiji neighborhood and the members of the collective here agreed that it is IMPORTANT and NECESSARY to hold the exhibition there.

I'll be "co-facilitating" a workshop in Changjiji (or Changjiji 'housing complex' as it is referred to here) in July. i'd like to share some of the background on Changjiji as it was written in the proposal i recieved from Sonam Palden, a teacher at Loselling Lower Secondary School in Changjiji:

"The Housing Complex is known for its diversity of social background and quite recently it has infamously captured the headlines of our national newspapers. The Royal Bhutan Police felt the need of outreach station at the complex to curb and prevent the diverse social problems and it soon opened an outreach police centre at the hub of the Housing Complex. The crime rate in terms of vandalism, car-hijacking and other stealing acts, etc. apparently has drastically reduced. However, the problems associated with drugs and gangs have virtually boomed. The number of early school-leavers seemed to have increased and their influence on our school children is quite staggering and pretty alarming. Within last three months the number of our students abusing cigarette, drugs and other psychotropic substances has inexorably escalated. The gang fights have frequented injuring our young children and nocturnal gang prowling has literally posed grave danger to the late night commuters. Due to the support of the hard-core gang- bangers (early school-leavers) at the Housing Complex, the amateurs in our school are questioning the safety of other innocent children. They are often bullied and extorted and very few of such cases are reported to the school management. This has really debilitated some of our children who often insist to play truant just to elude these gang bullies.

Through our survey study and analysis of the ground situation while closely working with our abusers and gang-members, we came to learn that the to learn that children as young as 10 years old are into abusing substance like marijuana, tablets, all kinds of tobaccos, other psychotropic substances and even precursors. We have wide range of abusers and gang members irrespective of gender and age. The findings of our school counseling division reflect that many of the abusers are low academic performers and directly or indirectly they have very close connection with the notorious early school-leavers
residing in their residential vicinity.

The school has done all it can to accommodate to the needs of children with special needs, but it has been an uphill climb, for the school does not receive any support nor cooperation from the parents since most of the time their parents are defensive of their children. The school is guardian to three students who are completely neglected by their parents. Students are counseled by the school counselors but are worried that the students might need more than a few hours of counseling. Through our close observation and thorough analysis of each individual abusers and gang member and other problems either by influence of senior abusers or available of the superfluous of unsupervised free time. Many of them lack parental guidance since many parents come from mediocre or low income group who often entail working late hours. It is also known that majority of our children with special needs are rooted to broken families and dependent on their relatives who often maltreat them. In 2008and 2009, we had two cases of suicide which had close link to the problem deliberated here. The problems mentioned here are further aggravated with the complete dearth of recreational facilities and avenues where children can positively take part and keep themselves aside from gangs and drug abusers. Though we have a outreach Youth Centre at the Complex but truly it is not able to cater to the needs of our children with such needs. In fact, it cannot and it is impossible since the youth population in the Housing Complex is extremely high and they go to almost all the schools in Thimphu bringing up with them their own problems and these problems are infecting our children causing the pernicious impact to our entire school population. Literally our children are in great stake and we strongly feel the need of some viable solution to combat these problems. It is not just the concern of the Changjiji Colony, but a concern of entire society since these children would have an invasive adverse impact on the future of our nation. It is our responsibilities and duties to prevent them from going astray and however if they are already plunged into these problems then we must think of ways to help them."

what will we all say to eachother?
(thimphu and the other cities...and of course all of you!)

what will we reveal?

what will we conceal?

what will we feel?

what will all this make us say?

the reception of this exhibition in Thimphu is unpredictable. i'm sure...well...i'm sure we'll just have to see!

i do hope, if you keep up with this blog, you'll join us on August 21, 2010 for "Neighborhood Watch:A Projection Walk.

as things develop i will happily share the exciting news with all of you. tomorrow, we will be meeting and visiting the neighborhood together...in the name of positive progress and art!

as always...there is more to come.

i send my warmest greetings from the Kingdom of Bhutan!

"meeting and departing is natural phenomena"

2010-06-20T04:30:00.000-07:00

thick clouds are swallowing the mountains again. soft rain falls and the occassional car drives slowly down the sloping road outside the window. there's a stillness and a silence laying itself over the city...and in my own calmness and stillness, i remember, "xoch...share!"

i have no idea where to begin! since i last wrote many beautiful things have happened in this crazy himalayan land. i'll focus on one particular stream of events...Freg flew away back to Australia on Saturday. i sat back trying to figure out what i was feeling having said goodbye to the second very dear friend I have made in Bhutan. The Reb stayed for four months and looking back it almost seems like she was only here for a blink. Freg was here for three months and i'm sure with a little bit more time, his time here will also seem like a blink. just as, i'm sure, when my time here ends i will feel as though it was also a blink (probably longer blink, but a blink nevertheless). the beauty about these blinks, however is that they're not like a regular blink. they're not the normal involuntary action our eyes perform to clean themselves. these blinks are the kind that allow your eyes to open back up to the sun. I would never say i was seeing darkness before all of this, but i can absolutely say that after having met both of those beautiful people i can see a little bit more clearly now. there's a little bit more sunlight behind this Himalayan mist.

the Four Friend's Theater Club had its final performance (collaborating with me and Freg) and it was incredibly successful! Her Majesty the Queen Mother Tshering Pem Wangchuck attended YDF's foundation day celebration as the guest of honor. Along with Her Majesty, His excellency Prime Minister Jigme Y. Thinley was in attendance as a distinguished guest. Ministers and heads of government were also in the audience as well as teachers, writers and a handful of young people. Her Majesty was very pleased with the work Freg and I had accomplished with the "Four Friends Theater" participants and bid Freg and I her farewell for the night with thanks, hugs and kisses. it was a huge honor to be able to show her what the 13 of us had accomplished first hand. I have to thank Tshering Tobgay, Bhutan's Opposition Leader for his participation in the performance...he did a wonderful job.

these last three months were the most touching, difficult, beautiful and powerful months i have been a part of in Bhutan. if there is any higher honor than to be given an opportunity to share our work with Her Majesty I would say, with confidence, it was my greatest honor to have the opportunity to work with such incredible young adults. having met the members of Happy Valley has revived my hope in the joy of sharing, learning and giving. the co-operative itself, faces a lot of internal issues. each member is an example of one or more of the many faces and levels of the "youth problem" in Bhutan. they haven't been paid in months, but they go forward clinging to the hope that the work they do will help someone and eventually provide them with a means of survival. since i've met them, they've lost two members of the co-operative and tshering, the blow horn, never fails to fall silent for a moment when he reflects on what may become of Happy Valley. i always only smile and reassure him that such beautiful things always survive...one way or another.

i could never be more grateful that they were willing to donate their time to working with me and freg through YDF. the more familiar i become with their situation and each member individually, the more i understand the sacrifice they made to make the project a success.

we spent three months together, thinking, analyzing, questioning, imagining and planning. youth issues were our main focus. we DISECTED the "youth problem" in bhutan as thoroughly as possible and to the best of our combined abilities. we pulled together our observations (which were incredible to witness as they came together, considering the different perspectives that were working together), we pulled together personal experiences and most importantly, we learned about each other's lives. the final product of the workshop was a drama depicting a group of four friends (honoring the traditional Buddhist story of the four friends, Thim Pha Pin Zhi) who were trying to start a youth co-operative in Bhutan. Considering the group of young people who were participating in the workshop-all Happy Valley members and the bright and engaged Sonam Wangmo-we were able to frame the drama accurately according to the problems Happy Valley has faced as Bhutan's first co-operative organization and according to the problems each participant was facing or had already faced at some point in their lives.

The four characters in the drama were the elephant, the monkey, the rabbit and the bird. Each character was dealing with their own issues...issues which were interfering with the organization of the youth organization. the elephant, who was given the task of recruting new members for the youth group faced substance abuse issues. the monkey was assigned the task of fundraising for the group, but failed to do so when he caved into materialism and the loss of a value system. the rabbit had trouble focusing on organizing the youth group because her circumstances forced her to seek work in a drayang (entertainment bar) which led to her exploitation as a dancer and singer. the bird, who was the leading figure in the co-operative faced obstacles working with the bureaucracy in Bhutan while he tried to help his three friends overcome the issues they were dealing with.

the performance was based upon forum theater, which you can read about in one of the previous blogs. each time the participants performed for an audience, we called on members of the audience to replace these main characters and make the choices that were necessary to change the outcome of each act for the better. thanks to support from YDF, the performance was offered to "Young Volunteers in Action" (another program intitiated by YDF)in Thimphu, Punakha, Bumthang and Tsirang. Each performance in the different dzongkhags had its incredible moments as youngsters acted out their own real life solutions to the problems we were presenting in the drama. there are, however, two particular performances i know i will never forget.

The Early Learning Center in Thimphu invited us to have a rehearsal performance for their students about a month ago. The elementary school is the only school in Bhutan educating its students through a value based curriculum. There are beautiful things happening at the ELC and the folks there deserve great commendation because they have taken the idea of Gross National Happiness and are educating their students with dedication to the principles of GNH. We were a little bit nervous, considering these children were younger than our intended audience of YVIA (young volunteers in action) members... but we were also very excited because the innocence of children always offers some of the world's most valuable lessons.

During the drug addiction scene, a young boy who was maybe about 8 years old took to the microphone with enthusiasm, replacing the naughty elephant. the elephants friend, who was overweight and glued to a video game, was the target for the elephants recruitment efforts on that day. whhen the young boy took the stage he tried to distract his friend from buying drugs using several different methods. finally, the clever boy grabbed the television and ran off with it. the overweight friend, of course, wound up leaving the video game parlor where the drug dealer was and chased the boy who was running off with his t.v. it was a beautiful sight to behold! such a simple act pointed to so many more complicated levels of the problem. the little boy understood that the environment was as poisonous as the drugs would be. he understood that by removing his friend from that environment he could more easily place him in a healthy environment.

i also witnessed a very beautiful moment in Tsirang.

after hours of acting out possible solutions for the scene which addressed drug addiction,the final solution that resolved the issue was meditation. a young man took to microphone and immediately refused to give his friend money to purchase drugs. he invited the drug dealer and his friend to join him in meditation instead. he sat down beside them, on their level and led them in meditation. the two supporting characters finally calmed down (they had been pushing the boundaries of their characters for a few hours...resisting the solutions the Tsirang students were offering). Within a few seconds, i looked around and realized that the entire room of 150 students had joined the meditation. the entire day had been filled with laughter and sound, and suddenly, the entire auditorium fell silent. as i write this nearly three weeks later i still feel goosebumps spread across my skin.

this solution was beautiful for a few reasons. the drama of that moment was absolutely breathtaking. this solution also silently addressed the idea that it is difficult to take help from someone who is not willing to place themself beside you but instead prefers to help you while towering above you. a young lady had tried the same solution but did not sit with the two young men. she stood above them and instructed them in meditation. when the second volunteer took the mic, he immediately sat between the two young men...and they immediately closed their eyes with him. The solution was also beautiful because it was a very Bhutanese way to solve the problem. a solution like this would probably never work in the U.S., but the moment i heard silence come over the room i knew...we've done it!

the remainder of our day in Tsirang was spent singing and dancing together. we were careful to select only the scenes that depicted problems that were relevant to each group of youngsters. in thimphu, all four scenarios are relevant, however, in smaller and more rural dzongkhags like tsirang, the only scenarios we felt were appropriate were substance abuse and materialism. the shortened performance schedule gave us an opportunity to split the group of 150 into smaller groups to discuss the issues they felt were most relevant to them. i was pleased to share a discussion with a group of about 15 youngsters who, by the end of the discussion, understood that the issues they are facing having many causes and effects. they understood that the issues they are facing are multi-layered and that it is important to understand the MECHANISMS that propel problems forward. each group was able to develop a short act on the issues they discussed. alcoholism, which led to divorce, which led to youngsters joining gangs was a common thread of issues. through discussion, the group i worked with proposed that perhaps, in order to stop the gang problem, issues of alcoholism could be addressed that would lower divorce rates and therefore lower gang membership. they proposed a law that called upon "owners and servers at bars to have a limit on the amount of alcohol they serve their customers. if a customer was already intoxicated, they should not be served more." HOORAAAYYYYY!!!!

after this, i jumped up and down several times and we made a slogan to help them think about things simply in the future (in case no one was around to think about things with them).

"what is happening
why is it happening
what do i want to happen!?"

we closed the formal portion of the workshop with all 150 YVIA members asking these questions in unison...and then came the fun!

the youngsters sang for us and danced and by the end of the day (nearly 10 hours later) they were asking me to teach them ballet. by seven o'clock in the evening, i stood before 6 brave kids, teaching them the basics of classical dancing.

after about an hour and a half, i decided to end the ballet class (so as not faint!) and go outside to enjoy the jungle. the night was spent with eyes wide open hiding within my sleeping bag. tsirang is warmer so there are bird-sized mosquitos in its jungle...iill avoid going into the details of the other flying objects i saw...but am happy to share that, with my AMAZING luck, i had the fortune of sleeping under a very confused very humongous flying object. for fear of it falling on me in my sleep i opted to stay awake. (a great portion of the morning was spent laughing at myself with the girls who were sharing their room with me).

the next morning we loaded ourselves on to the bus hesitantly. we did everything we could to prolong the goodbye. we sang more songs...we took photos...we told more stories and exchanged addresses. after some time i realized i should board the bus before any waterworks started going down, so i made my way for the bus door. as i approached it, beautiful young Jamyang approached me with a note in her hand for me. i held it tightly and promised i would read it on the road. hugs were had and we headed off, feeling full of hope and full of sadness that we couldn't stay longer...

as we made our way around the first bend...i opened up the note Jamyang had timidly handed me.

it read:

"Dear Sochi Sister:
I, Jamyang Sekar would like to thank you all for a wonderful programme. Yesterday we enjoyed a lot. Now I can make out what to do and what not to do. I especially enjoyed your dance (ballet dance).

As a saying goes "meeting and departing is natural phenomena". So have a safe journey and hope to meet you all soon.

We will be missing you all.

Love you, miss you
and please take care, Sister.

Goodbye..."

as always...there is more to come.

i send my warmest greetings from the ever lovely Kingdom of Bhutan...

over one hundred thousand selves of we.

2010-05-17T03:05:00.000-07:00

the land of the thunder dragon is roaring. the sky is crying on the land, making music against the metal roof of the building where i sit and write. i am of the desert. the thunder there whispers hints of a roar from miles away. the clear vast nothing that stands in the way of its voyage carries its whisper gently until it is above my head rumbling and cracking. the journey of the desert dragon is one i can see, hear and feel on my skin as the thunder moves like a long train toward me. when there are storms in el paso, i sit one block away from my mother's home on the edge of an arroyo. lightening crumbles the distant sky and the rain descends, cracking hot air with water. the ground cools as its heat rises up my spine. the gobernador that blankets the arroyo sighs with relief and releases its magic perfume into the air. this is the smell of the desert rain. the desert begins its dance, erasing the heat and the tense thinness that lives in that desert air.

in bhutan, the world lives on the edges of cliffs. there is nothing mild here. sounds contradict one another as silence carries distant dogs' anger and mad drivers' signals. bark bark honk bark honk honk.

there is nothing mild here.

the mountains boom above me...erasing me from any map that may exist within the eyes of stars. clouds consume the mountains and their booming shape flattens into dense white softness. evidence of eager winds flaps in scripts on squares of color. the earth surround me as it protects hides and reveals the details that dwell in my soul. in moments like those i wonder, "does this place really exist...so blanketed with such tremendous peace and calmness?"

i remember the distant suffering that recently dug its cave into my finger tips. they have only tin and holes above their heads. they live within walls of woven bamboo and brittle plastic. the light and shapes in this place crash into the telescopes of my eyes as i wander through this valley. clumsy memories do not stand a chance against this world that lives on the edges of cliffs. in my skilfull moments, clumbsy memories finally move out of sight, retreating into their land of smoke and mirrors...and the contradictions of this world within mountains crash into the telescopes in my eyes.

there is nothing mild here.

the rain has picked up its pace. blankets of water fall now, hurrying and begging. the sound of rain on metal overpowers the fumbling voice in my mind. all sounds are overpowered by the persistent rain. the soft rhythm of my music fades away and this shhhhh is loud and constant.

the desert flooded once. my brothers and i walked down a slippery slope to see a river madly flowing through the arroyo. the city fell to pieces. rivers carried buildings and the mountain down down down toward the river into the growing sea of smooth desert mud that filled the valley furiously and relentlessly. rivers swallowed streets and carried unpredictable boats down down and away.the desert must have been so thirsty. but these mountains, in the land of the thunder dragon...are they also thirsty? are they so angry? this loud and constant shhhhh is not born of an angry cloud. it is simply born for these spaces between high earth. this loud and constant shhhhh is meant for this place.

the rain's pace has slighty slowed. i hear its grip release from the metal roof. the dragon discourages the slowing of the rain with another roar. i hear it bounce between the walls of the valley, but the rain continues as it wishes. one more roar bursts down from the clouds and the rain is at the mercy of the dragon. the wind advances in fast circles and the rain begins to argue. its pleading with the dragon now...to let it slow down.

the desert's dance is different. it slithers slowly, gracefully, happily along as awkward water falls from the sky. that grace is only interrupted by the sound of thunder rising sharply from the flatness of the earth...i don't think it booms down from the clouds in the desert. the sun shines in the distance running from clouds that are begging to burst at their seams. the clouds are tall giants carrying symphonies. they chase the sun light away. they're trying to soften the desert.

i remember when the hardness of the desert got me. there was a time i fought with my mother. i ran out the front door in bare feet chasing madness (as i used to do). the sun was beaming that day...screeching with heat. the black asphault the men had laid down only days before was glimmering with wicked laughter. it carried the sun's torturous song in its tar. my feet ran fast at first. i didn't feel anything...my mind followed the sounds of the stillness that madenned and steered my course. around one bend around another... the asphault got me like a snake! it sent needles into my feet begging me to stop. i stood in the shade of a telephone pole...angry. i should have heard the snake long before it got me. (in the desert you learn the sound of snakes as a mini.) i paused, regretting my temper and kept running. the asphault ignored the melting souls of my feet. i took to shade again, perched atop the diagonal firm shadow of another stark and straight telephone pole. i reached home and my mother stood within the shimmering grey light of the house waiting. i teeter tottered up the walkway and left my feet soaking in the blue bath tub of her bathroom. the desert has no mercy.

merciless sun exists in these mountains too-dancing upon slate in your bare feet also makes their souls melt. but here, the sun's heat vanishes as quickly as it appears. while the sun shows no mercy the clouds certainly do. when the thunder dragon begins to roar not even the sun is brave enough to stay. he commands the tense strings in the air to fall. he carries the rain within his belly and spills his insides magnificently over one hundred thousand selves of we.

the rain's complete conscious tenderly sleeps over the valley now. the roar with which it came skillfully and delicately disappears and the rain settles in its motion. the sound of wheels over water whispers thank yous toward the sky. it will rain into the night.

"the blow horn"

2010-05-12T23:44:00.000-07:00

along with the previous post that shares an article featuring Happy Valley, i also wanted to post this profile. Drukpa magazine also wanted to do a profile story on one of Happy Valley's founding members, Tshering Dorji. this young man is incredible. often times, when freg and i speak with him we leave the conversation wondering where in the world he is ACTUALLY from. he is full of insight and he has a really incredible understanding of the way things function, they way the should function, how he wants them to function and how to get them to function that way. he scorns the meer thought of passing judgements on people, truly believes in democracy and equality and always ends his paragraphs with a joke and some laughter...even if he is discussing the heavy duty nature of the details of the Bhutanese youth situation.

on several occasions he's told me and Freg, "the situation is a very frustrating one in Bhutan. things are just this way...they shouldn't be, but the system functions in such a way that its very difficult to fix things....especially if you're young and don't work for the government." the look on his face tells me he wishes he could fix it all, but the words he uses tells me he knows all he can do is work with the opportunities he is given...and try to make new opportunities everyday for Happy Valley.

Freg volunteered to write a profile on Tshering. I also wanted to share that with you all...

THE BLOW HORN

Tshering Dorji was born in 1981 in the village of Jagarthang just outside of Paro. He graduated from high school but received poor grades- an experience that he feels strengthens the argument for having creative as well as academic career paths available to young people in school:

‘That’s why I feel bringing more art and drama into Bhutan would be so useful, to provide a pathway for people like me that are meant for this discipline, rather than a more academic path. It would also be wonderful to convince parents and others that by choosing performance as a profession, their child could contribute to society just as much as if they were a doctor or engineer’.

Tshering had a passion for acting from an early age, but did not pursue the profession immediately upon leaving high school- instead he began work as a tour guide. Working as a tour guide he was able to earn enough money in three months to buy a car. But at the end of a day of quick earnings, fancy dinners and fancy hotels, he would go to bed feeling that this wasn’t what he was born for. But he is thankful to the profession for giving him the financial base to pursue his passion for theatre- and having a car is very useful for dropping off fellow performers- without one it may have been much harder to convince them to stay for late night rehearsals!

In 2005 Tshering took up an opportunity to receive training from visiting Fillipino drama specialists in a workshop program organised by Tshering Gyaltshen- the result of the training program and subsequent performance tour, sponsored by ‘Save the Children’, was ‘The New Theatre Company’. Tshering is grateful to Tshering Gyaltshen for providing this initial spark for street theatre in Bhutan, and continues to admire the new ideas and social messages that Tshering Gyaltshen promotes in both his films and theatre work- the beneficial impact of this work in the lives of youth in Bhutan is an inspiration for Happy Valley’s own activities.

Tshering’s first cinematic acting role was in the movie ‘Layngon Bum’. He had learnt during his time studying drama of the differences between live drama and film, but only came to truly understand this distinction by experiencing it. He has subsequently decided not to pursue a further film career until he writes a film of his own, but is still very grateful for his first onscreen acting experience. As he describes it:

‘Life is a field of experience- wealth will go away and friends and family will die but experiences and memory will always remain- until you get dementia at least’

Tshering lacks the legendary temper of his fellow Parops, and this evenness of temperament has assisted greatly in dealing with the daily difficulties of working in a co-operative. In Tshering’s opinion, so many youth groups have fallen apart in Bhutan because of the failure of members to move beyond ego clashes and petty disputes:

‘‘If you argue with another person, don’t hold on to your anger. Next time you see the person, let your mind be blank, and start anew- how else can you expect to be able to work together?’

This pragmatic approach is essential in a co-operative, especially a theatre co-operative, where creative disagreements are a daily occurrence. But if ego is put aside, creative clashes can be a spark for unexpected and exciting ideas rather than personal vendettas.

Tshering had an opportunity for further education, an acting course in Pune, India, early on in Happy Valley’s development, but he made the choice to commit to the group rather than pursue his study options.

Before his training, Tshering had thought he could be the best actor in Bhutan or the world- but once exposed to training, in his words, ‘you realise your cup is so empty- that you can always learn so much more.’ Having started off his career just wanting to act for its own sake, Tshering now realises the profession can also be important for society- live performance can be a uniquely powerful medium to spread social messages.

‘I have seen so many workshops, lectures and public moments where people are just sleeping in the audience,’ Tshering explains, ‘But when we do our street theatre performances, the audience might jeer and heckle, but no-one is ever sleeping!’

The novelty of street theatre in Bhutan has led to plenty of difficulties: taken aback by the confidence of the group, audience members have approached the Happy Valley troupe after performances to ask whether they have been drinking. But despite the jeering and misunderstandings, these street theatre shows do offer moments of genuine connection with the audience, and it is in these moments that Tshering gets that surge of fulfilment that his tour guide work never gave him.

He first felt the sensation whilst performing in the first street theatre in Bhutan, at Yangchenphu Higher Secondary School. He felt this feeling again when Happy Valley did their first performance together, a social advocacy show on HIV/AIDS sponsored by the Ministry of Health. He recounts how one of the shows messages was that the common myth that wearing two condoms is safer than wearing one is not scientifically correct- the friction between the condoms is more likely to break them. People jeered at the risqué subject matter, but the fact that the performance got such a strong reaction was evidence enough that the audience would remember the message. Tshering describes these moments with the fondness and fervour of a performer who recognises both the beauty and power of his craft:

‘When I look at the eyes of the people I can see the ideas that we are trying to give sinking into them. Soon after the show is done I get an immense feeling of satisfaction- it is giving me a sense that I have found the purpose of my life.’

Happy Valley "where happiness is shared"

2010-05-12T22:53:00.000-07:00

recently, I've been a busy bee! i do apologize for having neglected to share recent developments of my adventure with you all.

i wanted to share an article i wrote about the Happy Valley Youth Co-operative for Drukpa magazine with you all. this month's theme for the magazine was art and entertainment. the issue aimed at showing the progression of art in Bhutan during the last few decades, from very traditional forms to more modern ones. (the modern end of it explains why entertainment was an appropriate area to include. the film industry in Bhutan is booming!)

i happily volunteered to write about Happy Valley as Freg and I have been working closely with them in the last month or so. the group is more inspired and engaged than any group i've worked with in Bhutan and most groups i've worked with back home. they are moving beautifully and admirably forward on the right track...and considering Bhutan's current situation, co-operatives like this are essential. please do enjoy.

Happy Valley
Where happiness is shared

A soft drizzle falls at the Centennial Farmer’s Market. Spaces that are normally packed with people have emptied. A few people wander through the ghostly and empty air. The market is surprisingly silent. Suddenly, the sound of feet moving quickly, voices singing loudly and children begins to bounce through the vacant spaces. The Happy Valley Youth Co-operative is preparing a performance for the SAARC Summit.

Young children watched with excitement and curiosity through the windows as the members discussed the traditional and contemporary steps they were incorporating into the performance. The children listened to the story they were building which spoke of the environment and man’s interaction with and impact upon it. Elder passersby stood at the windows, watching and listening. Some of them curious, some of them smiling, and others seemed to try to discern the unfamiliar combination of modern and traditional dance the Happy Valley members were choreographing. After some time the children began to join in the dancing. In that moment, the impact Happy Valley could have on the promotion and development of a generation, culture and society is evident.

Happy Valley as an idea was conceived when Sangay Rinchin, Sonam Rinzin and Tshering Dorji, who had all done junior high and high school together, met and agreed upon the concept of setting up a youth organization based on a system of fairness and equity. “Our main intention was and continues to be to help others. We wanted to initiate a business with a different purpose,” said Sonam Rinzin. Happy Valley uses a non-profit co-operative approach to tackle social issues by engaging youth and calling upon them to initiate their own participation in society and specifically, social advocacy campaigns.

“Our Kings have been so kind to the people and everything has been provided for us. We wanted to teach young people that they must do things for themselves now and only take help from the government when it is really needed. We wanted to help young people accomplish things that they could call their own,” said Tshering Dorji.

Happy Valley employs youth in a positive environment that is geared toward participation in the positive development of Bhutan. Presently, the majority of Happy Valley’s social advocacy work is delivered through open-air street theater. Its café serves as another employment option for youth.

It was Sangay Rinchin who suggested a co-operative as the best model to achieve this. In developing the framework for the co-operative, the group of young men followed the guiding principles of the International Co-operative Alliance.

The first principle is Voluntary and Open Membership which specifies that Co-operatives are voluntary organizations, open to all persons able to use their services and willing to accept the responsibilities of membership, without gender, social, racial or religious discrimination.

The second principle concerns Democratic Member Control. Co-operatives are democratic organizations controlled by their members, who actively participate in setting their policies and making decisions. In primary co-operatives members have equal voting rights (one member, one vote) and co-operatives at other levels are also organized in a democratic manner.

The third principle establishes Economic Participation from Members. Members contribute equitably to, and democratically control, the capital of their cooperative. Part of that capital is usually the common property of the cooperative. Members usually receive limited compensation, if any, on capital subscribed as a condition of membership. Members allocate surpluses for any or all of the following purposes: developing their co-operative, possibly by setting up reserves, part of which at least would be indivisible; benefiting members in proportion to their transactions with the co operative; and supporting other activities approved by the membership.

The fourth principle ensures Autonomy and Independence. Co-operatives are autonomous, self-help organizations controlled by their members. If they enter into agreements with other organizations, including governments, or raise capital from external sources, they do so on terms that ensure democratic control by their members and maintain their co-operative autonomy.

The fifth principle dedicates the co-operative to providing its members with Education, Training and Information. Co-operatives provide education and training for their members, elected representatives, managers, and employees so they can contribute effectively to the development of their co-operatives. They inform the general public – particularly young people and opinion leaders – about the nature and benefits of co-operation.

Co-operation among Co-operatives is the sixth guiding principle. Co-operatives serve their members most effectively and strengthen the co-operative movement by working together through local, national, regional and international structures.

The final principle promises Concern for Communities. Co-operatives work toward methods of sustainable development of their communities through policies proposed and approved by their members.

The three young men were revolutionary in their thinking as this youth run, co-operative based system is the first of its kind in Bhutan. The framework for the co-operative was adjusted in such a way that made it uniquely applicable for Bhutan specifically and the trio began to recruit members. The three young men had ties to the New Theater Company in Thimphu and when they decided to resign from the company, five other members opted to resign as well and join the co-operative’s effort. As they considered who they wanted to recruit, the founding members held true to their dedication toward providing youth with a platform and tools to contribute to and participate in Bhutanese society positively. They visited drayangs and observed the environment and the talent the performers had. They offered them membership in the co-operative to provide them with an alternative performance opportunity that carried great dignity with it on both a social level as well as a personal level. Other targeted recruits came from backgrounds of alcoholism, drug addiction, video game addiction, materialism, emotional instability and gang related activities. The co-operative began to take form and gained momentum as every new, eager and hopeful member joined forces with the initial trio.

At its height of membership, Happy Valley consisted of 35 members, however since its inception eight months ago membership has decreased to a core group of 17 members. Each member brings to the table a unique talent. The members’ range of talents is dynamic: there are singers, dancers, actors, cooks, painters, sound technicians, videographers and photographers in the co-operative. Tshering Dorji , Sonam Rinzin, Tandin Sonam, Sonam Rinzin, Kuenzang Thinley, Elvis Namgay, Bonic Tsokey Dorji, Karma Choden, Tshering Palden, Karma Wangmo, Dechen Dema, Chokey Dema, Dechen Wangmo, Kuenzang Lham, Lungthen, Yeshey Wangdi, and Krishna now form the Happy Valley Youth Co-operative. The members of Happy Valley have experienced both the excitement of performance and the difficulties of life as performers, but they have stayed true throughout to the co-operative’s profit share principle. The co-operative members have only been able to pay themselves in three of these eight months, and even then only with assistance from the Ministry of Labour.

Along with these hardships Happy Valley’s members also faced great adversity in finding a proper space for ‘Happy Valley Food and Drinks” and a place to rehearse for performances. Presently, renovation of ‘Happy Valley Food and Drinks’ is under way on the top level of the Centennial Farmer’s Market. Lyonpo Pema Jamthso, the Minister of Agriculture, supported the group in getting this space at the centenary Farmer’s Market, and also provided accessories for the kitchen. Lyonpo Jamthso has also connected them to funding sources. The group thanks Lyonpo Jamthso humbly and acknowledges that without his support, the success they have had to date would not have been possible. Lyonpo Jamthso’s support was also supplemented by the Youth Development Fund who provided them with the few assets that the group currently has, such as sound and kitchen equipment.

While the café is beginning to come together and performances have been successful to date, the group still lacks a proper space to rehearse their advocacy-based performances. Usually, the group develops their performances and rehearses them in open air outside of the space they have reserved for the café. The space has its benefits. Firstly, it gives them a place to meet. Secondly, it allows the performances to serve as a learning tool for the public, giving observers an opportunity to be an active part of a learning process.
“With the advocacy work we do it’s a good place to be. So many people especially the underprivileged people visit the market often. It is a useful and important place for such a campaign,” says Tshering Dorji.

While this is a positive sight for the surrounding youth to see it has proven to cause some difficulty and misunderstanding. Tshering Dorji goes on to explain, “the exercises we do to dance are strange to the Bhutanese so we do need a space where we can think and work in private. The creative process that is required for a performance co-operative will always be strange because it has never been used, especially not in public in Bhutan.”

The creative process Tshering refers to is one that is fueled by the group’s desire to mix traditional Bhutanese dance and performance with contemporary dance and performance in order to create a new form of theater ad performance art that is contemporary but retains the essence of Bhutanese tradition and values. While many young Bhutanese enjoy the pleasures of the hip hop culture they see on television, few actually strive to learn the technique that forms the foundation of contemporary and modern movement. The group does not aim to adopt westernized dances, instead they hope to learn contemporary movements that might be blended into traditional Bhutanese dance with grace and respect. In this way, they feel these dances can help supplement the social issues that form the basis for their scripts in a manner that connects with all generations in Bhutan while moving the culture forward without abandoning traditional values.

This insightful and thoughtful approach to their craft has been commended by Fregmonto Stokes, an Australian university student who is a visiting intern with YDF and has worked extensively with Happy Valley. “Happy Valley is equally as talented and considerably more inspired in its aims than any equivalent group I have been involved with in seven years of theatre work in Australia. They have resurrected my faith in socially committed theatre and I can’t wait to return to Bhutan to collaborate with them further,” said Stokes.

Despite the obstacles Happy Valley has faced and the scarcity of profits to be shared amongst them, the system of profit share they use has fostered a strong egalitarian bond in the group, where every member is held accountable for what they have spent, and every member is equally vigilant in regulating the group’s finances. It is an ideal system to prevent corruption, and encourages a sense of self-motivation and purpose amongst a group of young people from often underprivileged backgrounds. The intention was always that Happy Valley be an organization where members were not just working for someone else, but had an equal voice and equal responsibilities in the co-operative. This they feel strengthens their dedication to democracy, while giving them a unique edge in business practices since many businesses in Bhutan are hierarchical and family run.

Presently, Happy Valley offers performances to the public, free of charge, every last Sunday of each month in the Centennial Farmer’s Market. In past performances they have targeted such social issues as environment, waste management and unemployment. Their goal is to develop and create thematic performances that target specific issues Bhutan’s youth are facing as well as the issues the country is facing as a whole.

In 2009, the group in collaboration with local talents Namkha lhamo, Lhamo Drukpa, Tshering Phuntsho, Kunga Tenzin Dorji, and Susma participated in a performance organized by the “Global Choir” that featured 198 countries singing John Lennon’s “All You Need is Love” in unison to raise awareness and financial support for people afflicted with HIV/AIDS in Africa. “It was such a noble cause we were singing for, and our main purpose is to help others. We were thankful to be able to be a part of it,” said Dechen Dema.

Along with this performance Happy Valley performed for the distinguished delegates of the SAARC summit during a closing banquet that was hosted by His Excellency Lyonchhen Jigmi Y. Thinley. It was during this performance that the Prime Minister took notice of the group and asked them to prepare a performance for the 2010 Annual Journalism Awards. In that performance they called upon journalists and the public to take on the challenge of promoting, supporting and providing responsible media to a developing Bhutan. At the close of that performance Happy Valley members were well received by the audience. The members wished to “thank the Prime Minister for taking us seriously- his passionate support has boosted the group’s internal energy.” That support, they feel, is difficult to come by in the sometimes hesitant and careful Bhutanese climate.

Happy Valley still has a long road to travel. Enough money to sustain them is hard to come by, support from outside sources can be difficult to gain and momentum is difficult to maintain in the face of challenges. They continue to move forward, gaining support and interest from the community and government officials. Happy Valley continues to work toward one day expanding its system of co-operatives. In its initial stages the group envisioned a large scale system of co-operative businesses. They would like to diversify into many areas, developing co-operatives of farmers, designers, shop-owners, construction workers, car washers, caterers, bakers, and plumbers, to name just a few. The group also hopes to initiate a second NGO called “Happy Youth” that will aim to promote Bhutan’s artistic tradition through the arts. Along with this, Happy Valley plans to begin developing a student theater that will reach out to young people and provide them with workshops on performance. The youngsters who observe them on a regular basis in the Centennial Farmer’s Market are the first group they would like to engage. A proposal has been cast for “Happy Youth” and plans are in the making for the student theater program, however, the co-operative waits until Happy Valley is functioning at a level that will allow them to take on new ventures.

Though the road can be rocky Happy Valley’s members carry on positively. One member, Elvis Namgay shares “Before I joined, I took drugs and got in gang fights. My old friends used to respect me, but as a bhai (an Indian term equivalent to a mafia don). Now people respect me, but as an equal. Despite the difficulties we face, Happy Valley has given me hope, and changed me as a person.” While attitudes like Elvis’ solidify the bond the group has, the members agree that a single morning will always help left them up in the face of the challenges they will certainly be presented with in the future.

In their darkest hour, Happy Valley was granted an audience with His Majesty the King.

“Among all the Kings in the world, I think our king must have the most difficult time. His Majesty’s character lends itself to having concern for His people individually and personally. We wanted to tell His Majesty that the youth in His country were changing. We wanted to tell Him that we could make His duty a little bit lighter…that we were ready to do that for Him and our country,” says Tshering Dorji.

The discussion lasted three hours and when asked by the King what assistance His Majesty could give them, the Happy Valley members replied that they did not want assistance, but only His blessings. Instead of asking for His assistance, Happy Valley wanted to act as a living testament to the youth’s ability to demonstrate their value to Bhutan and their potential to assist His Majesty and the Royal Government of Bhutan in carrying the burden of future development.

The members of Happy Valley have heard His Majesty’s call to the youth and are ready to answer. Happy Valley informed His Majesty that they would take the gift of democracy His Majesty had given them and use it to their full potential.
By the end of the meeting both Happy Valley members and His Majesty the King had tears in their eyes.

His Majesty informed the co-operative that their meeting had made that morning one of the happiest mornings of his life.

As always...there is more to come. i send my warmest greetings from the Kingdom of Bhutan.

winds of change

2010-04-10T22:58:00.000-07:00

yesterday i sat in the clock tower singing to a new student at VAST while we both removed tiny nails from some pieces of wood. "oh the winds of change have come...the winds of change have come....hooray hoorah for the winds of change and the change that is sure to come..." everyone surrounding us got a good laugh and of course he got an even better one. "madame, when you sing you sound like donkey." i let loose a nice big laugh and said "ok wait..how about this..." i took my masterpiece up a couple of octaves and he burst into laughter again. "no, madame. cat. you sound like cat...suffering cat." i couldn't help but laugh...and stop singing of course.

the seasons are changing in Bhutan. i'm not so used to distinct and very characteristic seasons. el paso has it's changes in weather...but for the most part it gets a little cold around winter (if you asked this desert gal when winter actually begins...she wouldn't be able to tell you) and then somehow march, april and may mix together, there's a lot of wind..and then it's summer time....there were never too many obvious signs of the world's journey around the sun. it always seemed to me that before i knew it another year was up and it was time to reflect on what i had done and what had happened. but here, in this relentless place the sky changes, the temperature changes, the sun gets brighter, flowers bloom on every tree and crickets and birds come back to life...and the spring rain falls softly at different intervals of cloud-filled times. spring is everywhere...light is everywhere descending in Thimphu valley...ILLUMINATING EVERYTHING.

witnessing the changes of three seasons in my almost eight months in Bhutan i am realizing that, along with all the many oh so many things that have been overwhelming, evidence of the passage of time has also been very overwhelming. there is no way to ignore nature and its movement in Bhutan. there have been so many times that i've found myself at its mercy...awkwardly existing in a place that will always be larger than any human could ever be. awkwardly existing in a place that is not always a reflectin of its people. and of course, witnessing these changing seasons has also led me to examine myself and the changes that have occurred in me. i arrived at the end of fall...the monsoon season let me witness it's last cry...its tears filled Thimphu valley with water. at that time i was staying with a dear friend's family in a rural village outside of Thimphu called Babesa. i remember navigating my way down a thin path, rain everywhere and mud begging me to slip slide down down...which i did a couple of times. i can't help but notice the metaphor now...between that begging pleading mud and some of the circumstances of this journey. there's always chances for us to fall...always things that ask us whether we want to stand back up and keep heading down these crazy slippery slopes.

monsoon/fall ended and winter began to take its seed. looking back at it now i realize that because i have never really really known three months of winter, i kind of didn't figure "hey xoch! this is the season known as winter" i guess i just figured "oh bajeez! it's pretty chilly up here in these mountains". and so, winter brought the cold, isolation, and joint pain with it...along with the children's holidays and major signs of goodness and progress with them. it also brought, what i now recognize as the "land-locked blues". had it not been for all the wonder and joy the children and i shared with each other, winter might have been more difficult. lots of my Bhutanese friends often remarked that winter was depressing...every year it was the same situation. i imagine it might have something to do with the mightiness the mountains possess as they linger in cold mist and frosty air...they turn a dark shade of brown...they command everything and you can't help but feel invisible and teeny tiny. every year, they are happy for the arrival of spring and its blossoms. in many ways i can understand what they mean...spring is here and sweet joy seems to be everywhere. children are roaming about playing and laughing, archery and dart games are a plenty...and of course there are blossoms everywhere. i feel different-for many reasons that may not be completely dependant upon the change of season, but are more clear to me because the season has changed again...and time is so clearly dancing shifting and moving.

many things have come to pass, each thing carrying its own specific qualities and character with it, each thing functioning in a very different nature, each thing connected to the other things.
some very good things and some very bad things have come to pass.
i wake up every morning and think, ok...spring has come and illumination must commence! often times i don't quite know what is coming, what is ahead, but i go forward and leave such things at the mercy of the winds of change.

looking at it presently, the winds of change are working well. a very refreshing change in things has arrived. Fregmonto Stokes (what a fantastic name!) a young man from Australia arrived recently in Bhutan and is working on a project that helps young people find the power of their voice and expression using performance. he’s using a system of teaching that is based on Augusto Boal’s approach to political action and involvement using “legislative theatre”. he asked me to join him in the workshop and help contribute in whatever way i could and i happily agreed. (it was more like xoch jumped on the opportunity the way my younger brother’s golden retriever used to inhale his dog food in four bites)
Freg is carrying out his internship/workshop with the Youth Development Fund (YDF) which was founded by Her Majesty the Queen Mother Ashi Tshering Pem Wangchuck. (http://www.bhutanyouth.org)

i'm infinitely excited for this opportunity!! it will be wonderful to share the experience i have in performance work, the ballet, the contemporary dance, the character, and the performance art, the sculpture and prop design with these young people. OH THE JOY OF RECIPROCITY!!

initially, we weren't sure exactly who would be attending this workshop. the group would consist of members of YDF, young folks who are abusing substances were invited from the drop in center in Thimphu and members of the Happy Valley performance group based in Thimphu would also take part. we've started our second week of workshops and things are going really well. the group is enthusiastic and YDF is very supportive of the workshop. we are hoping to coordinate the performance with the Young Zoom on Garbage Festival but are waiting to see if that will work out. in the meantime, we are preparing diligently for a total of 9 performances to take place throughout the central region of Bhutan. the performances will be geared toward the social issues that are affecting youth in Bhutan. i think it's easiest for me to simply share some of my notes with you all...as well as some of the brainstorming we've been doing with the participants in order to get our minds working out the conceptual framework for the performances. it's been an incredible couple of weeks. a long awaited sense of enthusiasm from people who are in their late teens and early twenties...
while i have shared a lot of wonderful and very valuable things with the children at VAST, a spirit of activism, drive and enthusiasm from young people in this age bracket (late teens and early twenties) has been difficult to find. this work shop seems to be applying to and penetrating some of the youth issues that pose great danger as Bhutan moves forward.

Below, i share my notes with you all!

Performances sessions based on Augusto Boal’s “Theater of the Oppressed”.
idea of legislative theatre—using theatre, young people can act out laws and the legislative process.
…causes and effects, why the laws are necessary, what the laws will do, what the laws will improve…in a sense a second reality is created that poses an alternative future and an alternate present…

what do young people want to change in Bhutan?

Freg: Australian, intern at YDF, studying Politics, Spanish and Visual Art at the University of Melbourne
xoch: on a mission to find the questions that will help others find questions, someday leading to answers that will help provide a fantastic and wonderful and fair life for young people.
Tandin: young man, passionate about dancing, wants to be a dancer, from Thimphu
Dichen: young lady, from Eastern Bhutan, enjoys dancing and acting
Karma Choden: young lady, loves dancing and “everything”, from Eastern Bhutan
Tshering Dorji: young man, a founder of Happy Valley, participated in a crash course on performance in the Phillipines, enjoys dancing, singing and especially acting
Karma: young lady, sometimes feel very shy but enjoys acting and singing more than anything.
Namgay: young man, enjoys acting
Sonam: young man, former camera man in the media, currently edits video for Happy Valley, enjoys acting

Happy Valley: a street performance group that functions as a cooperative
-democratic approach that gives everyone an equal say in what the group will do and does
Began with 38 members and now has 18.

Laws they want in place:

Namgay: regarding CSO salary, 1st priority should be given to “unemployed" and less popular jobs should have an increase in pay to help supplement and support the dignity of the labor

Tandin: regarding dignity of labor, sweeper salary should exemplify and speak for the dignity of the job, it should not take the dignity away.
Regarding youth, youth need rights and opportunities. Proposals that are initiated by young people should be heard and considered.

Dichen: regarding government vs. private school certificates, both should be valued equally. (presently government certificates hold more merit)
There should also be a restriction on increases in private school annual fees.

Sonam: regarding a free media—remove the very tight restrictions that are placed on the media.

Lungten: regarding salary increases, the private sector should offer higher salary

These young people want to start a youth forum that tackles youth issues as they are seen and experienced by young people. They would like to initiate “The Youth Forum” which will allow young people to have a forum discussion on issues as they are raised in Parliament. They feel this will not be allowed in Bhutan…and if it is allowed they feel it will be controlled and monitored, therefore negating the intention of such a forum.

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Sketch some of the problems that you think will arise in Bhutan in 20-30 years:

--drinking water problem
--deforestation
--air pollution

Tandin:
drastic changes—buildings, factories, air pollution, deforestation, climate change, flood storm and all its effects. Increase in population will mean more vehicles, sound pollution and a lack of space.
Dichen:
more gang fights, more drugs, suicide cases will increase (drugs—N10, marijuana, pills)
Karma:
more fights, more party freaks, more unemployment
Karma:
more fights, more drug abuse, suicide cases increase, “masters of drinking” will sprout up
Sonam:
DEAD—everything. No trees, no people, no animals
Namgay:
Increase in population, increase in bad waste management

Tshering:
with good governance: forest cover will be fine, more people on bicycles, tall buildings but good maintenance, clean air, crime rate same as now (now is alright-not so bad), farms will be protected, drug free, education for everyone
With bad governance: dead trees, export will be prime, cars, pollution, big big buildings, crime rate will increase, drug use, alcoholism, violence, suicide, lack of water, farmers losing land, land dying.

From this develop a dream sequence.

Good dream—education, fun, farming preserved, good job, traditional dance and song…all things co-existing, mutual appreciation for one another, no land taken from farmers/farmers not forced to sell their land.

bad dream---fighting, violence, poverty, lack of dignity of labor, drugs, farming disintegrating because of climate change and poverty, land being taken from farmers—farmers selling land out of desperation, imminent death due to violence, drugs, alcohol and/or unstable living conditions.
Merging of good and bad dream
Protest happened when government intervened and promoted deforestation “we want fresh environment” “government will kill you”
farmer’s co-op was formed to challenge government.

how can we engage people in order to spark some sort of action, be it protests or simply voicing opinions?
Things will be very difficult for us if we protest or speak out.

In this session---housing issue has come up as well. Cost of living as well as a system lacking enforcement is making it impossible to afford basic rent and is without any regulation as to rent increases and changes in tenant contracts.

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Possible Issues for Performances:
(to take place in Thimphu, Tsirang, Bumthang and Punakha, at the Thimphu Rehabilitation Center, and at YDF)

Employment exploitation and discrimination
Restraints on Personal Voice and Personal Expression
Pressure to wants THINGS
Gender
Lack of Enforcement to protect young people

Starting with a still frame, produce a short performance that depicts:

EMPLOYMENT EXPLOITATION and DISCRIMINATION:

frame produced:
scene 1 “mis-promise”- scene begins “in town”, children are found and offered a “nice home, food and a pleasant life”. scene moves to a house-husband and wife beating servant, husband encourages this interaction, children afraid.

Scene 2 begins with a young girl asking her father with excitement if he is going to put her in school. father says he would rather find her a job in Thimphu because he can’t afford to keep her in the house. The father goes to meet his friend who agrees to look for a job for her in the government and take her in as his own daughter. father thanks him and leaves his daughter. her “new father” immediately orders her to polish his shoes and explains to her that a government job will be impossible to find, she will have to stay and serve him as a helper.

RESTRAINTS ON FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION and PERSONAL VOICE

[examine the causal factors and the point at which the situation could change]

must have permission-without permission the action stops dead in its tracks

scene 1 of a “healthy” minister saying “no”
when performed scenario 1 is depicted as an ad- “first impression is the last impression” says the minister, as the young folks are bowing

scene 2 of the middle rung saying ‘no’ to young woman. she cannot speak to the minister without getting through this middle rung. (implications of corruption and unfairness in this process)
when performed-scenario 2 is depicted in the style of Tsechu dance. Masked dancer plays the minister, young woman is a court dancer. The middle rung does not have a specific role but seems to be a confused mix of a masked dancer, court dancer and a jester.

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“performing for the deaf”

only action (emotion and gestures) can be used.

to date, young men in the group have directed the young women. exercises are geared toward self-exploration and self-confidence and a developing of ideas individually
emotional depictions of inner struggle develop…love and hate for others, self, desires, actions and circumstances.

understanding of situations of power and place and the emotional, social and complexities that exist in both.

differences in physicality of people in different positions is very clear

-----

yesterday I had the opportunity to hear Dasho Karma Ura,director of the Center for Bhutan Studies, give a short lecture on Gross National Happiness…i'll also share a bit of those notes. i have about four pages and it would just be a bit too crazy to share it all...so i will share only the last few remarks that were made...in capitalized letters you'll find responses i wrote.

it is important to instill a sense of appreciation in young people for what is in ALL living things. instead of this, it seems young people are only being overstimulated with television, ads...images of things that are not ACTUALLY living...IMAGES OF A REALITY THAT IS NOT ACTUALLY REAL.

how many Bhutanese think of things that don't have to do with income?

assessment of the world has been forced to be so rapid that values are easily overlooked and instilled with great difficulty.

it has become more important to secure your own position, condition and place

a child cannot make sense of a person riding into Bhutan on a tiger without many other pieces (ARE CHILDREN GETTING THE OTHER PIECES OR IS THE TELEVISION ONLY SUPPLEMENTING THE MANY THINGS THAT ARE ALREADY DIFFICULT TO SEE AS A REAL REALITY)

GNH is based on the idea of a collective happiness. it is dependant upon 72 factors.

(THERE IS A MINIMUM LEVEL OF HAPPINESS? IN ORDER TO MEASURE HAPPINESS, HAPPINESS MUST BE DEFINED...HOW HAS BHUTAN DEFINED HAPPINESS FOR ALL ITS PEOPLE? NOT "WHAT IS THE DEFINITION"...BUT WHAT WAS THE PROCESS FOR FINDING THE DEFINITION...)

if the government uses economic growth to help measure Gross National Happiness, the government is negating the very principles that are the foundation for the philosophy.

(GNH IS A VERY NOBLE PHILOSOPHY.............MEASURING AND DEFINING HAPPINESS MAKES IT A LITTLE COMPLICATED.....CAN THIS BE APPLIED REALISTICALLY TO A NON-BHUDDIST?)

in order to establish psychological well being: emotional balance, mental health, quality of life and spirituality have a minimum level.

basically it is important to develop contentment, what is in front of you must be viewed as heaven, changing fundamental structures will completely altar the world, it already has.

(HOW DO THEY MAKE THEIR OWN STORY, THEIR OWN FUNDAMENTAL STRUCTURES...WHO WILL HELP THEM FIND THEM AND WHO WILL TELL THEM WHAT THEY SHOULD BE)

as always...there is more to come

i send my warmest greetings from the Kingdom of Bhutan

the effects of floating.

2010-03-23T22:47:00.000-07:00

i sit here now and wonder precisely what is to come in the last half of my time in Bhutan. there's some big plans on the horizon...one very big plan. but, aside from doing as much as i can to make those things happen, i've decided it's best to just float until the other pieces of the plan really really commit. and i am indeed floating.
back home i always used to make these ridiculous jokes about how all i did was float and all i wanted to do was float. "floating" made up a big part of the ideas behind the work. (of course, the idea that i wasn't in any way floating and have always convinced myself i am floating was the real situation in the work...among many other situations that were also there.) now, here, i find myself actually floating. i wrote about silence some time back and i still feel it around me. i feel it over my lips and when other people's lips move.

in all my honesty, aside from sketches, bad paintings, and lots and lots of, sometimes, nonsensical writing...i haven't produced any particular art work of my own. i've done quite a bit with the children...but there is nothing that has been done on my own. many many things are started and left in corners in my tiny home. unfinished.

so floating and its negative effects are bad bad news these days.

now, it's not like me to be unproductive. it's actually completely opposite my nature. but i find, in all the madness of processing what i've seen, felt, heard, said and touched...it's difficult to find my way. it's difficult for me to grab this balloon...often i feel either the balloon is floating out of my reach, or i'm floating out of my reach. after speaking to many many many people, both well traveled and not, i find that for the most part, complacency is the way to go. ignoring the tremendous power of the things that surround us, ignoring the tremendous terror of things we want to change, things that are hurtful for the mere fact that they exist...i guess that's the way to go.
for "them".

i said it before and i definitely meant it. my idea of what exactly i can do, how my services might be offered is much more grounded now than it ever was. and while i have come to accept some things...i will never like them, i will never truly accept them. i simply can't. i would be lying if i said i could and i'm no liar.

i had an interview before coming to bhutan where i was asked to talk about my art work. the majority of the talk focused on "change". change is what the work has always been essentially about...changes i've felt, changes i had no control over, changes i wanted, changes that would likely never come...changes i could never force from anyone...change. i said i was excited to see how the work would change in Bhutan as i changed. but more often than not, i cannot even begin to put my finger on precisely how it is i'm changing. i only know i have. and so, when the time comes to produce work, there is no concrete notion behind anything so there i sit...going through the motions. using processes i am familiar with...rigor, repetition, obsession...but no actual end product is there. every now and then i'll switch up the process and make myself very uncomfortable on purpose...using a different method i'm not familiar with. lots of people ask me what's wrong...and for a moment i feel very very unproductive and semi guilty...then i just i giggle. i could never explain that there is nothing wrong...that in fact, there is simply too much all at once underlined by this very overpowering sense of frustration, emptiness and insignificance.

hitting a wall doesn't quite explain what's happened. i've hit lots of walls before...one could say i'm a seasoned veteran. this is something different. i think i consciously make the choice sometimes to simply watch from the outside...to step back and say nothing. part of me feels i shouldn't touch things, shouldn't go near them...another part of me says it's not time yet...i haven't accepted certain things yet so how could i even complete any thought about them?! and then of course, a different part of me says get off your a$$, quit over analyzing and get moving. so...considering i'm feeling more of the third one these days, i figure it would be best to do just that. i haven't ever had to force any work to be completed...i've often bit off too much for myself to chew on...but i've never had such a problem conceptually completing something. but i'll force myself now. who knows...might be interesting and more than likely hilarious to see what comes of it.

so on the personal end of my time here...the journey continues...whether or not it lacks the binnacle for the compass. i will continue to fumble until i stumble upon the proper method. i hope i get somewhere personally before i return home...or at least have a starting point to work from...

on the interactive/teaching/collective end of my time here, things have been incredible with the children and they continue to be. but presently, things are at a bit of a stand still. i've had the fortune of sharing my art history and theory "stuff" with a few different people who have been interested in learning. the most interesting of those people would have to be Passang Tobgay. he's a painter who joined VAST in 2000. he was traditionally trained at the Zorig Chusom (traditional school of art and craft in Bhutan), he was a teacher at the Zorig Chusom after he graduated and now he prepares to get his Bachelor's degree in Amsterdam. we've talked about it on several occasions and he has his mind set. he will find a way to balance the years of traditional training he has had in Bhutan with the contemporary challenges and experience that are to come in Amsterdam. he wants to help Bhutan open itself up through his art work. we've spent some time in the last couple of weeks talking about modern art and its been incredible. his mind is blown and while i watch his mind go all over the place mine also blows on account of his blowing. the knowledge he has concerning modern art is minimal, so we've started from (pre)scratch. it has been one of my biggest challenges since arriving here...especially on days when internet is down...but i find i'm full of hope for a few different reasons.

-i've learned so much from the discussions we've had...not only about art.
-he is a young man who is excited to learn, who is not afraid or threatened when he doesn't know something...he has just what it takes to really let himself be opened and in return open other people.
-he has truly mastered traditional Bhutanese art...so that puts him in an incredible position to be "the first" many many things...and he can provide young people with an example and some hope for finding that balance that is so important in Bhutan.

it's funny to think of it...when he goes he'll be in a world that is so hugely different from his, a world that is full of the things Bhutan carefully has its eyes on. and he won't just be going to some tiny town in the western world. he's going to Amsterdam! and when i came here,i suppose it was the same situation just opposite style. someone referred to it as a "time warp" and that it most definitely has been. i didn't only slow down on account of the Bhutanese' laid back nature...i basically had to take about 49582 steps back just to get my grounding...these steps of course had to be taken because this place has stayed hidden from the world i come from for the majority of its existence. so when i came here i was overwhelmed in the strangest of ways...and i'm certain that when Passang goes to Amsterdam he will also be overwhelmed for similar reasons under opposite effects. before he goes we have some time to share what we can about our very very different backgrounds...and i'm excited to do that. he and i will both leave Bhutan to our faraway places in August.

earlier today, he and i sat outside of the Alaya Gallery, Bhutan's first art gallery that is currently exhibiting some of the work done by painters at VAST. he asked what my coming plans were and with excitement i let him in on the details of Bhutan's first sculpture exhibition to be held along the river side. he was exciting and said "xoch, this will be the first time anything like this will happen in Bhutan!" i smiled...and said i hope we can make it happen beautifully. i would let you all in on the nitty gritty of what is to come as well, but that would ruin the surprise! all i will say is that he and i along with Asha will do our best to lead this thing so that we are sure to "keep it real" as my younger brother has always requested.

i am happy to share these tiny pieces with you all though!

possible name:
CHUBACHU
"river carries river"

reflections of our time and place.

august--just before i make my journey back across the world.

as always...there's more to come. i send my warmest greetings from the Kingdom of Bhutan.

years in a reflection

2010-03-11T02:40:00.000-08:00

i often wonder what it is that draws me toward children. many people might say it's because i want a child of my own, or it's because i had a bad childhood and i want to make up for it, or because i don't like being an adult...some will even say it's because i prefer to live somewhere other than a place where my years would normally take me. i would say the first is nuts...much to do before that adventure will begin. i would say the second of these is definitely wrong. i had a beautiful childhood! it wasn't necessarily "comfortable" in terms of monetary wealth, but of course my parents did a wonderful job teaching me that comfort was what you made it. i had no concept of where my family fell in the social ladder and so i loved everything. i was taught to look for the right things to look for in life. the third of the possible reasons i would say might be half true. adults are boring...and they forget about the simplicity that exists all around us and especially in the "mysteries". as for the fourth reason, i like to live everywhere. all at once. (this would probably explain a lot about why xoch is xoch) and so my conclusion is that the reason is quite simple. children are the best. to say it in a way that is not so "child like" i could also conclude that i'm drawn to children because i look back at my life all the time, examine the causes and effects and i know that if i hadn't had the childhood that i did, i would not be where i am now. surely, the years between "childhood" and "now" also mattered..but when i look at it, the stuff my parents put in me from a very young age are truly what have made up this big process that is "becoming xoch". so perhaps...when i spend time with youth, teach youth, work with youth...in some ways i see my years in them...and in many ways, i see their years in me.

and so...i'm happy to be able to be here. it's given me so many opportunities to meet young people and do what i can for them. VAST is an incredible organization in terms of its outreach to youth. AND! i am happy to say that the kiddos and i have begun our next chunk of goodness! we have been and we will be hosting a radio show together every friday on centennial radio--one of Thimphu's local radio stations! the show is ALL ABOUT THEM. obviously, it's very informal and centered around things they want to talk about. i find that adults tend to worry about young people getting on the radio...i guess they think they may say something wrong, or may say too much...or or or or (adults are full of reasons why not...sometimes). i, on the other hand, love the idea of young people on the radio! the potential and excitement of what could happen is FANTASTIC.

there's a humbleness that exists in the Bhutanese...it's a very beautiful thing. the youngsters i have worked with have shown me the most beautiful side of that humility. tiny gestures, like not giving a direct nod when the answer to a question is 'yes' are so cool. it's a funny thing. normally, i'm used to people giving the nice firm up and down yes...but here, i'm often given the round about or the twist and (no) shout. it's very funny....and truly fantastic to watch! it could be compared to the motion of a bobble head doll...no up and down about it...and physically its incredible. i've tried to master it and can't. there's a certain level of detachment that has to occur between the neck and head. to get a good example of what i'm talking about you can watch slumdog millionaire...the "yes" makes an appearance quite a few times. when i first arrived here i remember being so very confused. i thought nod meant 'no' so i found myself exiting rooms and ending conversations when there was no need for it. (embarrassing to say the least!) the youngsters also approach things with lots of hesitation...i've attributed it to their very respectful nature as well as their humble nature. it's a beautiful thing. however, on account of my "openness" and "frankness" as they refer to it, it's been very funny to see them come out of their shells. it's especially funny when we are in a formal setting and we all have to "behave".

in my first couple of months, my interaction with kiddos was very formal. i tried everything i could to break their shyness, not realizing it was not a matter of shyness at all. these children are so so so far from shy! it was a matter of respect. so when questions were asked it was difficult to get answers, it was difficult to get them to ask me questions and it was difficult to put them in a situation where they knew more about something i might have been talking about. (Bhutan). But now, there's a wonderful change beginning to take seed. they're not afraid to ask me questions, they're not afraid to challenge me if they think i'm wrong and they absolutely love to give me their suggestions. opinions are still kept to a minimum, but at least we've found a starting point...i'd say we're already headed toward the middle of the journey point.

and so, this radio show that we're doing is only broadening their opportunities to speak...the show is appropriately named "keep talking". obviously, the art making we've done together helps build their creative communication tools and their courage to express themselves unconventionally; and now, this radio show will help them gain their voices and be brave about offering their opinions. the first show we had was two weeks ago. we talked about school and learning, and the best ways they felt they could learn. last week, rebecca was my guest and we talked about what it is to be a good teacher, a bad teacher, a mentor etc. etc. tonight, two children will join me and we'll talk about what it is to exchange things with other people. in our case, we'll be talking about the things we've exchanged between ourselves, the american madame and the Bhutanese youth. specifically, we're planning a (very hilarious, i'm sure) dzongkha, english, spanish exchange session. should be funny....especially me trying to learn dzongkha! there's a certain word..."nga"...the xoch mouth can't do it.

and so...hooray fun times shall be had tonight.

as always...i await all that is to come and send you all my warmest greetings from the Kingdom of Bhutan!

silence.

2010-03-09T21:45:00.000-08:00

i 've been away for a while. i'm not necessarily referring to a physical location. i've simply been away.
several times in the last few weeks, i've tried to sit down in front of my mini screen and pound out some words to share with you all...the words wouldn't come.
it seems it finally happened. i expected it would happen. one of my reasons for deciding to travel to the exact opposite side of the world was to see if this would happen. i've been waiting for it to happen.

.............................silence................................

i must admit, i still find it difficult to reflect on the last few weeks. but in honor of some of what has happened, i know i must write. i wish i could share everything...but for now...i share a few tiny pieces...

VAST, with all hope, will be relocating!! it will shift from the attic where its current home is to a beautiful new location by the riverside. it's a very exciting time! something like this is just what VAST needs to get some momentum back.

my dear rebecca has departed to continue her roaming over the world. i am so thankful i was able to share a piece of this chapter with her. another dear friend of mine has also departed...he, however, i will likely not see again. he was a beautiful person to me from the moment he met me. he was the kind of person who shows kindness without meaning to...without thinking about it. he was kindness and joy embodied...i'm certain he was these things for everyone. and for that, VAST and everyone else as well will always be thankful to have shared their life with him. among these things...many other things have occurred......

the 5th King's birthday was on the 21st of February. i went to the festival grounds with a friend of mine. the celebration was the most colorful and lively celebration i've seen in Bhutan. children marched and performed for His Majesty. they sang and danced and smiled. it was absolutely lovely. the very mini children (i'm referring to the 5, 6 and 7 year olds) were by far my favorite performers...very unique and therefore flawless rhythm, fearless delivery and the most genuine sense of pride and enjoyment i've seen in a very long time. to put it simply, watching a mini dance is the most beautiful way one can learn how to live.

after spending the morning at the celebration, i decided it would be nice to give shooting off in to forever another try. the original plan consisted of having some lunch and setting out for Paro. i was excited (Paro has, after all, become so familiar to me and is home to some of my most beautiful memories in this magic land). of course, as things usually go around these parts and in the life of xoch, the plan completely changed in a matter of minutes. the next thing i knew, i was off to Pobjekah...to the misty silent valley of the black neck cranes.

now, though i write about it presently and made my decision then as though this adventure was a walk in the park, going off to Pobjekah is not as easy as it sounds. in fact, this particular adventure proved to be much more adventurous than i could have expected. to get to Pobjekah one must travel through Wangdi...lots of up and downs and lots of honoring every cardinal direction and every single direction in between. so from Thimphu we climbed up up and away to Dochula (the pass). these Bhutanese mountains always seem to do the trick when journeys are taken. as we drove over the pass, the snowy mountains that live in never never always land were doing there powerful dance on the horizon. we started our dissent down toward Punakha and that was when i saw them. the first rhododendrons of this year. highland blossoms giggling in light on the ends of branches. i thought "they must be giggling at me and this face i'm making right now...but let them giggle! i had no idea flowers could live in this cold high place" before i could even absorb the idea of rhododendrons, i looked right and their they were. dangling on stark leafless branches, their glow humming softly against a giant blue background. magnolias. i told myself not to faint...and didn't. it always helps to remember: any moment with eyes closed equals a moment of missing out. we drove down down down the Punakha/Wangdi snake's belly...listening to the usual bob dylan goodness.

i sang and laughed and contained the millions of questions i had. you see, we were traveling with a monk who hitched a lift from us on our way up to Dochula. i was given a wonderful compliment that i may never forget. he didn't speak english, but it was translated for me "she's not like a normal chillip...there's no division between us and her...i couldn't tell." i shared my two packages of unidentifiable gummy candy, bottle of water, potato chips and chewing gum (when on the road, i indulge like an out of control five year old) with our traveling friend and he never failed to smile and thank me. i think i amused him...xoch and her silliness. and so, bob dylan sang his tunes through the himalayas, xoch laughed and smiled with her head out the window, our monk companion in the back seat giggled and my friend translated, sang and cracked endless jokes...and we flew toward forever. after some time, we landed in Punakha. we dropped the monk off in town and as we pulled into a parking lot the car chukachukach ch ch ch c uk...broke down. of course i giggled...and then pronounced happily...hoooray!! adventures!!
(many a time in Bhutan, this lady has seen the push start method be utilized...fortunately, this is a method of starting a vehicle i probably have entirely too much personal experience with--any mexican probably does...and every rodriguez certainly does).

the car guj guj vrrrroooom vroom started again. to the workshop it went. of course, it was His Majesty's birthday so all of Bhutan was on holiday. the adventure's momentum would have to slow until morning. after searching desperately for lodging we landed up having an entire floor of a building to stay in. i spent the majority of the evening as a sniper might...on a hidden balcony snapping photos away one after another. i was caught by an elder man on a neighboring balcony and decided the photo shoot was over. morning came and off to the workshop we went. after some time, all of which i spent on the river side sitting watching and listening (the Punakha river is turquoise as can be...its belly is huge, its currents paint clouds within its course). once the car was good to go we were off again...to Pobjekah we went!

to get to Pobjekah we drove through the Black Mountains. this drive was only a small preview of what was to come. trees cracked black silhouettes against the blue blue sky. mysterious smoke rose from a distant ridge (i could not begin to imagine any evidence of its fuel...or the spark that started it) and i sat back in silence. where am i going? what am i going to see? normally, once i enter the mountains i find myself overwhelmed by hugeness and some invisible movement, but this time was different. my insides stirred and eventually laid there quietly breathing. i saw yaks and snow and men and women walking the roadside in the middle of this forever. i did not question where they were coming from...

the flight finally landed on top of Pobjekah and i opened my eyes wider. there it was. the eery valley sunk into and slept in the earth. light poured in streams over the ridges...cutting the air with silver and magic. we had picked up another passenger on the way and he began to point out the specks of white in the distance. they were the black neck cranes.

mist takes over the valley in Pobjekah. there is no electricity, there is no running water...except for the homes, monasteries and other buildings that are there...evidence of "us" does not exist in that place. the cranes dance and sing and scream in the marsh land...and in the cold mist of the evening, you shiver. in a different voice from any i've used...i asked myself where i was. on account of the remoteness of the valley, lights were out at 9 (they use solar panels), water was available at intervals in the day...i smiled and knew...

finally. i've reached forever and away.

i spent the next day trying to get as close as i could to the cranes, watching them take off and land...watching them flirt and show off. in the afternoon adventure continued. the plan was originally to head back to Thimphu, but of course...who on earth listens to a plan!? off to Trongsa we flew!

every hour i felt myself gliding into the heart of Bhutan. silence, peace, invisible and ever present fullness and slow slow emptiness grew inside of me.

finally. i had reached forever and away.

we inched our way over the wings of that healthy snake toward Trongsa and like a child...i seemed to suddenly fill up with that WHOA situation in my belly. i grabbed my camera and clicked away. those photos are now very funny to go back and look at--many many blurry situations. my friend compared me to dennis hoffman in "Rainman". we reached the Trongsa Dzong view point and i felt like a warrior. flexed my muscles and stood on the edge of the world looking at that powerful structure on the ridge opposite my minuscule location. the dzong moves with the mountain...unlike many of the other dzongs i've seen, this one feels immense. it's weight sinks it into the earth and like the most powerful snail ever to exist it rests there safely.

after spending some time there, we started our journey back to Thimphu. the journey was long and though i was tired, i felt so very awake. on the way back i bid farewell to the yak friends i had made (bob, dwight, morgan...and a few more), the waterfalls that filled me with hope, the trees that reminded me of something (i couldn't say what)...and i told forever "i'll see you again...soon..."

and so...though i don't feel forever over my skin now, i remember it. though i may not feel myself existing in it...i did for an instant. i suppose forever is like the clouds...i should be happy i had the fortune of that moment.

i should be thankful because i finally feel silent.

as always...there is more to come.
i send you all my warmest greetings from the Kingdom of Bhutan.

...all this that surrounds us...

2010-02-11T02:21:00.001-08:00

attack of the Himalayan fleas 2010 has officially struck the land of xoch. i have at least twenty flea bites gracing my limbs and torso. in my first flat, i had the fortune of spotting the fleas before they could attack. memories of myself, a huge hammer in hand, pounding the fleas to their doom now flash in my eyelids. (my Bhutanese friends keep telling me the fact that i killed them ensures that i will continue to be attacked--"for every flea you kill...it's like killing 300 people"). in this new flat, however, good fortune has not been had. i managed to scorch five flees in my electric heater in the last few nights, but some of the little guys survived (i know this because i now itch in new locations). while the itching is unbearable and the sheer thought of fleas gives me the heebeegeebees...i can't help but giggle. since i arrived in Bhutan, i've had severe stomach problems a few different times, i've hallucinated on account of the malaria medication i had to take (which i didn't actually have to take), i've gone blind because of different standards in protective welding equipment, i've been extremely car sick on almost all the driving adventures i've gone on (i refuse to take the medication because i would sleep through the endless beauty of this land), i've been brave enough to drink tap water once under extremely brave and desperate circumstances and i've been attacked by a fleet of invisible fleas who seem to be multiplying by the day. oh the thrill of the different faces of adventures! i giggle and giggle...the fleas made me realize what a "sort of" american i am.

in these last few days i've been approached by and met quite a few new people, both Bhutanese and "chillip". the same questions are always asked, and in these last few days i've scratched and itched as i answer them. such a tiny physical detail reaffirms the feeling in me that perhaps the nature of my time in Bhutan has been a "different kind of beautiful".
"so are you working here?"
"how long have you been here?"
"how do you find Bhutan?"
"when are you planning to leave?"
"what all have you seen?"

these questions are the questions anyone would normally ask. they seem simple and easy to answer. however, the moment i am asked "how do you find Bhutan?" simplicity and easy answers go out the window. of course i always say everything has been beautiful and incredible because it has been. and i smile and giggle a nervous giggle because i know that the beauty i have seen is not the clean easy beauty most people expect i am talking about. the beauty i have seen is born of reality and the balance of the many levels and faces of life that live in humans. the beauty i have seen is of the sort that lives in mysteries and grows out of invisible memories, and that single ever present memory (the one i wrote about when i saw the elephant kings and queens). the beauty i have seen has not only consisted of other-worldly mountains and landscape and beautiful culture. that has been at the core of the things that have taken my breath away and made me feel like i was floating...but there have been other things that have touched me deeply. they have grown with different force and strength and it is for that reason that "Bhutan" has been more incredible than any "easy" journey i could go on.

i came on this adventure in search of questions. i came on this journey to learn from children how questions are found...i came to teach children the importance of their voice and their questions. i came to help youth understand the undeniable value of THE SEARCH. (their booming brains are so very capable of understanding how they can use THE SEARCH to make life better now and later on--for everyone) that complexity that is so overwhelming for us "big people" fades into the background when you work with children. the ability youth have to simplify everything is what is most valuable about working with them. i like to tell myself i came searching for just one question but i know that part of me (it's in all humans) that wants the easy road is begging me to believe there is only one question. there are so many.

i have a friend back at home...(he and his friend call themselves the Mexicans at Night)...he sings "it's like i can't really even sing about how it would be...if you go"

i have gone...and i find myself in a position where, most of the time, i can't begin to find words. the experience has been full of lows and highs that move like the mountains in this place. the experience (i'm right about half way done "officially") has moved me through depths and dooms and heights of living i didn't dream existed. the children, though they may not know it now, have spent these last three months searching with me. we have found many questions and everyday they have a new one for me. throughout this process, they have helped me discover so many questions...and most of the time my brain feels like a bee hive. the evidence of humanity's touch dances about in this place, to rhythms and with steps that are interconnected and complicated. that dance is one whose rhythm and pace is nearly impossible to follow, much less become a part of. but that dance, the dance this Kingdom is dancing, in all its fierce, sometimes clumbsy, mostly graceful and always seemingly fluid movements is breath taking. every piece of the whole (of everything) somehow exists in Bhutan. it exists and it moves softly into every sense that makes me and everyone else a human.

in all this swaying swooshing search, i am happy to say i have found the one question (at least "the one" for now). it is the first that is clearly and simply formed in my soul. it is the one i've fallen asleep and woken up thinking about for some time now. i'm sure it will change as i change, but for now, it is the one question i can see clearly. all that i have watched and heard and touched and felt takes seed in the answer to this one question. it's the best way i could connect all the questions i've asked myself and others...simply and completely. when i say 'best' i refer to the question's relation to my generally positive outlook, of course. angry, scared, sad and negative questions don't give us the clear and graceful answers.

it's a question i've asked myself before, but HERE and NOW i seem to understand its depth more entirely...and in a way that does not revolve around me and the spaces i'm familiar with. (farawayness and its goodness are in full swing)

...tick tock, mysteries, ghosts, then and now, here and there and nowhere, "them", "me", "we", and all this that surrounds us...

what makes it

(anything and everything)

beautiful?

beautiful soft rain fell in Thimphu last night. the city fell silent (except for the sound of dogs) and tiny light danced about the edges of leaves and branches, sign boards and cracks in the ground. i smiled, took a deep breath, filled my lungs with clean Himalayan goodness and basked in the delicate hugeness of everything i felt in that moment. soft drops fell on my eyelashes and i knew...my skin told me "these drops are tiny pieces of everything, and here you are...dancing with them on your eyelashes. smiling."

the answer to the question, i'm certain, is why we must always go "onward through the fog"-an ancient woman sings to me from across the world.

as always...i send my warmest greetings from the ever lovely Kingdom of Bhutan...

p.s. please do enjoy all the photos in the last blog...i share them with you for your viewing pleasure.

pieces of the WHOLE

2010-02-08T21:18:00.000-08:00

these first three photos are taken by Rajesh. xoch does not travel to Jaigaon with camera for safety reasons.

bubbles.

2010-02-03T00:28:00.000-08:00

and so...i thought it would be good to touch upon the silly fact that Bhutanese have trouble swimming. while in Phuentsholing i had the glorious opportunity to walk about up toward the base of the mountains where the river rushes out toward the plains of India. 20 children and some of the older VAST volunteers made up the entourage. upon seeing the clean water in the river, i immediately took a plunge...jeans, dress, and all in place. after some time, i began teaching some of the kids to swim...then i headed up to where the fast water flows almost furiously. i jumped in, let the river take me for a bit then relaxed on my back. as i floated i watched the ridge of the towering mountains that surround Phuentsholing change color as the Indian sunset painted its red masterpiece across the sky.
this beautiful experience, along with some other interesting experiences that have dealt with rivers have led to my next blog...which i must warn you all...is entirely informal and was really just a way for me to decompress. some lightness and silly xoch for your reading pleasures...please do enjoy!

from journal entry dated 20/1/2010
THOUGHTS CONCERNING MY ABILITY TO SWIM

(she'll come back tomorrow)

from journal entry dated 2/2/2010

1) if i jump or happen to fall off a bridge, manage to avoid hitting huge Himalayan stones, i can swim to safety, thereby taking back my decision to jump or avoiding impending doom of Bhutan's deadly heights.

2) i don't necessarily need a bridge.

3) i can travel by boat to my heart's content and then exit the boat to take a swim (also to my heart's content).

4) i have the ability to fly in water.

5) in one way, i defy the idea of being "human"-become semi fish! this leads to greath thoughts concerning possible fish identities: blower fish, tadpole, cat fish, angel fish, gold fish, trout, salmon...the list goes on and on...

6) if the world were covered in melted glacial water i could adapt like the waterworld homie and hunt for sand under the ocean.

7) if i get to swimming fast enough, i can hope that the speed of water rushing through my mane will accelerate the growth of my mutilated hair.

8) i can push logs into a river to be used as boats so that i may rest before swimming my legs off upon finding peaceful pools of water around peaceful bends in rivers.

9) if i filled my hair (grown out on account of accelerated growth due to my ability to swim at sonic speed) with jasmine blossoms i could swim in patterns in a pool in order to leave blossoms behind to make a painting.

10) if i had any sort of life threatening ailment i could swim off beautifully into forever.

11) i can move about lakes to different patches of moonlight and sunlight and see how my reflection changes (no humans would be involved in the formation of my reflection!)

12) i can build a house of leaves and swim into a floating bed every night.

13) i could, if practiced enough, adapt to the changing currents in water and implement such rhythms in the movement of my own being.

14) i can keep trying to learn to float (while i have the ability to swim i don't have the ability to float). if floating is mastered, i can live in moments above water and in clouds.

15) i can feel like a dolphin or whale depending on the speed and style of the movement of my limbs...i can even feel like a turtle.

16) swimming equals semi freedom (except for the lack of gills clause).

17) my joints ache less when i swim.

18) i can jump into a river at the base of the Himalayas and let it take me down down as I lay face up watching the orange red sky fill up with the Indian sunset's beauty.

19) i can stay afloat when and if a bad storm hits.

20) a certain level of fearlessness lives in me on account of my ability to semi defy gravity (of course, i'm no scientist so i'm not quite sure what the specific situation is concerning the presence of gravity in water...all i know is that gravity keeps it where it is and sends it where its going...so maybe i'm only surrendering to gravity more than i do on land...hmmm)

21) bubbles.

22) muscle goodness.

23) i can be used as a boat transporting other humans who can't swim about through the water.

24) due to my ability to "tread" water (swim without arms if necessary) i would be able to wave at passerbys happily and, of course, i could invite them to join me for a swim.

25) in a situation where impending sinkage would be a threat (boat cracking in half, raft falling apart or disintigrating, house of leaves getting carried away) i would fall into the "swim" component of the "sink or swim" equation.

26) taking into consideration that i now live in the Himalayas-if bus, car, roads or tractor are not available to transport me from point a to point b...there's always the rivers.

27) if i were to come across a swan or black necked crane...or any type of fish...i could speak a common language (that would be water agiility/comfort.)

28) in a battle occurring near any body of water i can pray that my enemy does not have the ability to swim. in such a case, i could narrowly escape doom by jumping in said body of water.

29) flash floods could be used to my great advantage (?). as some might believe--two years from now the world might get crazy. Doom's Day 2012's floods will have nothing on me (as far as possible end of the world flash floods are concerned).

30) unfortunately, in certain situations and under tragic conditions...there may only be one thing to say..."water water everywhere, but not a drop to drink".

31) i would not fall into the statistic of sailors who are found washed up on a beach with their flies down...if you can swim usually you don't drown. (google it)

32) i may serve as proof and absolutely recognize that man was not built to fly...only fish identities available.

33) i am able to have a different perspective and interpretation of the song "Bridge Over Troubled Water".

34) flippers can only ENHANCE my agility (while accelerating the acceleration of my hair growth).

35) there is a chance i could evolve into a mermaid.

36) i can follow fish.

37) bubbles.

38) fear of losing 02 (drat that lack of gills clause).

39) suddenly crazy mammals don't feel AS aquatic.

40) there's a new meaning to the idea of fresh mountain spring mineral water.

41) unfortunately, my ability to swim puts me in greath danger i am enjoying beverage at a beach side canteen and decide to go for a dip in lemon shark infested waters. (they can see at night---thank you animal planet!)

42) head first or legs?

43) i can hunt for gold WHILE flying in water.

44) i can teach the Bhutanese how to swim, thereby avoiding any incident that might bring to life the Bob Dylan song "Blunder on the Mountain".

45) bubbles.

as always...i send my warmest greetings from the Kingdom of Bhutan!

Dear Mother,

2010-01-28T22:15:00.000-08:00

from my journal--21/1/2010
"
dear mother,
how do you watch that tick tock kaboom about
you must know it's a ticking time bomb?
goes off to scream look at me?
goes off the scream help me?
goes off to scream
BECAUSE IT NEVER LEARNED

Torn between two worlds
one foot there one foot here
(both feet nowhere)
some mass grows here, mother
In between one oblivion and the next
Practice practice, they all try to practice
(do they all know how to practice, mother?

oh mother,
all these things they send
all these things they do
they're just messages to you
And that abyss between two oblivions dwells there in their messages (razorsonitsedges)

Too deep and dark
There are no compasses here
There is only you
and the children.
Mother what will you do?
(KABOOM is sure to come)
"

i've been hesitant to post entries from my journal, but after these last couple of weeks...i simply cannot ignore the "kaboom" anymore. if i ignore it, at this point, it would be harmful to the children i came here to work with and learn from.

VAST held its annual winter camp in Phuentsholing (that crazy city on the border). it was held in conjunction with the Youth Development Fund branch there. the idea, as i understand it, was to invite children from Phuentsholing in order to get an art club started at that YDF branch. the workshop went well...for the most part, the participants learned water color, acrylic, charcoal and pencil techniques in drawing and painting. i had to arrive late on account of yet again, some Indian VISA delays...but once i arrived, as much of my time here has been spent, i figured out how i might fit into the plan for the workshop...and got down to spending time with the children. the week went well...and the final exhibition which was the product of the workshop was great. some of the VAST children and i worked on sculpture pieces and produced a total of five small scale works. They were all fantastic...and i was happy to see their faces fill up with pride when they completed the work. there was a sky scraper constructed out of recycled boxes, an ancient tripod made of sticks, a candle holder that was a robot, a relief map of a united Asia and a giant bird nest (the construction of this one "Madame Xochitl" led). It was strange to hear the work be described with hesitation and little explanation (especially considering it was a new form of art in Bhutan) but as i've learned, new things are always introduced with hesitation in this careful land. all in all the exhibition was a beautiful success...and the children had a wonderful time--that's what matters most.

and THAT is precisely what makes it impossible to ignore the sirens i juggle around in my ears everyday. i cannot stay quiet anymore. i have to talk about the things i've been hesitant to mention. i'll share more from my journal:

25/1/2010
"
slept alone in white marble last night. sleep was easy somehow-don't know how. sounds of beastly trucks moving goods over dirt roads and distant suffering seeped into my ears in the moments before i fell asleep (there's a tent city way over yonder--shit trails leading away from it toward the river--the kids tell me "these Bengalis take crap anywhere" i say "is there somewhere else for them to do that?" they say they don't know). the sound of dogs going to war against eachother. vicious dogs...hungry, homeless and roaming. (it's a slow war) shadows oozed across the blank wall in my empty room. me and a dark door and all these sounds resonating in my ears, pulling my heart into oblivion.
i wonder now how i slept in that bed knowing there were people sleeping in hay in that tent city 200 meters away from me. (it's orange season, so they set up camp there) i lay in the bed remembering that little boys face...smiling after he swung a stick at mine. did an eleven year old boy really swing a stick at my face? or did i just imagine that...the infinite sadness i still feel inside my soul tells me it was indeed real. how did i sleep in that bed...when i know-when i have seen what i have seen. i fell asleep remembering my fear and that infinite sadness i can no longer deny that has grown out of this journey...and into it.
i pause and look out my window...this is the most beautiful view i have ever had the joy of looking out at...the river winds up up up the mountain.

my time here has been trying, but the fortress i have built in me is strong. so many years spent wondering about the how's and why's...and the clumsy movement i have surrendered to so many times. and here i am now...in a place that won't let me ignore those questions and that movement...in a place that forces these things into my heart more powerfully than ever...in a place that will not answer those questions...in a place that begs me to surrender to that movement (tumble down down down)...
how did i fall asleep?
"

when i came on this adventure i expected to change, i expected to experience things i could never have dreamed i would experience in my life...i knew it would be difficult, i knew i would see the world-its reality put right in my face. and i was ready for that, or at least i was as ready as i could have been. i craved and needed that. i knew i was young...i felt that gave me something different to offer...i was happy to be a young woman, coming across the world to teach and make art. after having spent four months here, i find myself fumbling my way through a dark room--hands out in front of me desperately trying to prevent a crash. this happens anytime we go far away from what we know...from what we are. but this particular journey, is unique to say the least. and the dark room i find myself in at times, is different from any i have ever known.

while in Phuenstholing, i was swung at with a nice big stick. the boy who fancied himself a slugger must have been twelve years old. this is a pretty huge problem in Bhutan. the youth are going through things elder people don't know anything about. the youth are doing things elder people know NOTHING about...and at times it seems they prefer turning a blind eye. it's an adventure every time i take my students on foot anywhere. without fail, one chunk of kids falls behind or gets distracted...and the moment that happens, other kids that spend their days "roaming" through the streets pull them aside and steal from them, threaten them, give them a few wacks until they surrender the five rupees they're carrying or the bracelets on their wrists. i usually manage to stop "beatings" and "wrecking"...and the children smile and thank me, but in my heart, there is an undeniable feeling of immense sadness that grows in me everytime it happens. i'm not helping...it's just a temporary fix. the kid will turn around and do it to the next kid that comes around.

in Phuenstholing, this happened again. Rebecca, myself and two kids, Drakpa and Lobzang, were coming back from main town. we walked along the river to get to the YDF youth hostel. the slate path was dark and long. we ran into a group of boys and of course, they pulled Drakpa aside to steal his mobile phone. rebecca and i are both tiny...we don't look very old...so i imagine the boys had no idea we were significantly elder to them. after getting away from them once, two of the boys followed us and grabbed Lobzang. i began to follow them and demand they let him go. they wouldn't and by the end of it, i was flinching at the stick that was coming straight for my head. the boy smiled at my fear, his stick one inch from my face...he was one foot shorter than me. luckily, a man was taking a jog and the boys ran away thinking he was coming to help (which of course he wasn't). we walked back to the hostel as quickly as we could and i had a nice long talk with the boys. i found out later that the boys were asking Lobzang for cigarettes.

in reality, the kids weren't looking for cigarettes or a mobile. the matter is simple. they don't have anything to do. they're floating and lingering without any sense of direction, without any explanation for the world they were exposed to in 1999 (t.v. was introduced here in '99), without any oars to steer their boats through this mysterious ocean that is "development." When such a huge change clicks over night of course it takes time for the balance to tip back into place! the legs have to catch up to the brain, the torso...etc. it's only natural for some flailing to occur. certain things are to be expected. i have spent lots of time with youth. i see, talk to, spend time with kids everyday for hours. i have seen some things i (maybe) wish i hadn't seen, i've been told some things i (maybe) could have gone without hearing...but i came here for a reason. i could easily say, and i have in one email home to my mother, that i wish i had come as a tourist. that route is an easy one. tourists come, see the world's "last Shangri La"...take in the beautiful land, the culture, the pace and sensibility of Bhutanese life and then they go. but i couldn't do that. i have seen a very real side of this incredible place. i have seen a very real side of humans. experiences like the one i had on that walkway with the slugger are the ones that almost make my heart break.

but when i think about it and remember, i came here to meet kids like him. i came here to meet every kind of young person i could...i came here with the hope that i might help give them something to do that didn't involve drugs, "roaming" and beating sticks. i came here because i truly believe art can change the world....as an individual i know i can't and that daring ambition i have always had has dropped down to earth a bit. but if i can teach even ten kids to to USE art to speak with, ask questions with, express themselves with and be brave enough to say what they think then i'll have touched everything...and maybe they will do the same one day. this country is in such a complex situation...and no one has the answers. it is impossible to say exactly what should be done. but i came here to do what i could to help youth FIND A WAY. i came here to give them an extra OPTION...to help them find their own compass. it is clear to me...they are afraid to ask questions, if they even know the questions to ask at all. the system, call it cultural if you like, is hierarchical. elders are at at the top if we look at it in a simple way that applies to everyday people and everyday life. the youth are confused, they are bored and they want the world they were allowed to see in 1999. so what can be done?

there are some serious problems facing youth all over the world, not only in Bhutan. someone's culture and place in no way changes the fact that young people are more vulnerable and impressionable and fragile than any other age group of people. they have the mighty power to change the course of the future of humans. they also carry that great fragility that is built into their nature. however, as i always say, Bhutan is in a very specific and unique situation.

this place and its people have the advantage of being in a position to have enough hindsight to have foresight. they have countries like mine to provide them with an example of how NOT to do things-an example of what works very well and what doesn't. but they have to KNOW what is happening to their youth, and in order to do that, it must be acknowledged that certain things are occurring the way they are...certain causes have had their effects.

perhaps if i had not chosen to work with children, perhaps if i had not chosen to come to Bhutan, perhaps if i hadn't chosen to cross the border to Jaigaon (the city where "people get hacked"), perhaps if i hadn't chosen to teach art, perhaps i could have chosen to work with a different organization in a different city or country perhaps perhaps perhaps...

i would never trade this experience for the easy road. i could never be disappointed in any aspect of this journey, no matter how trying it has been at times. to do that would be unfair to the beautiful children i have met-those children and their booming brains are HOPE PERSONIFIED. to do that would require me to give up some piece of this giant balloon of beauty...and that, quite simply, i could never do.

as always...i send my warmest greetings from the beautiful Kingdom of Bhutan.

2010-01-13T01:33:00.001-08:00

we have officially enjoyed the most fun day ever to exist in the history of all fun days. yesterday, the children and i had planned to go the Memalakha to see the waste situation in Thimphu first hand. because the upcoming exhibition with VAST will be dealing with the garbage issue in Bhutan (more specifically urban areas) i thought it was most important for them to see the city dump. most of them hadn't been taken to the dump and had no idea what to expect...of course, being from the U.S. i thought i had a good idea of what to expect from a solid waste management facility. (some of our dumps are the size of Thimphu City.) and so, we caught a cab to Memalakha and began our adventure.
though i thought i knew what to expect i realized quickly that this city dump was far more awful than anything i could have expected. upon arrival the stench was almost unbearable. the first things we saw were garbage piles, a tractor, and dogs. we walked up toward where the majority of the garbage is kept and the childrens' jaws dropped. we looked at the garbage...the rubbish mountain is half the size of the mountains that surround it. in a place as incredible and pristine as Bhutan, such a sight made me truly sad. i was frightened. i knew the pile would only grow into a mountain the size of all the beautiful ones that live in this Kingdom. most of it is plastic. we talked a bit about what can be done, what should be done and how things are done.
we all left the dump a little shocked and sad. we had no certain way of returning to Thimphu so we walked for a bit down the winding road that eventually leads up to Dochula, one of Bhutan's most beautiful passes. we decided we would try to hitch a ride on one of the many huge goods carrying trucks that roam over the winding snakes of Bhutan. That was probably the most fun any of us had had in a long time. Screaming, waving, and pleading...laughing, getting angry and feeling bad when the empty trucks wouldn't pick us up. Eventually, after finding a strange bag waterfall of shredded money, we caught a ride from a nice man. We climbed excitedly into the back of his massive truck, and sat among stones, the chilly wind in no way hindering our beaming smiles and laughter. we ended up at Dochula, thrilled at our luck and absolute disregard for any concrete plan. we played in snow, walked over fallen tree trunk bridges, made a fire and had some lunch. it all ended with a desperate dash to hitch a ride on another giant truck.
the day was beautiful...full of unexpected adventures, hard lessons, and free flying through the Himalayas!

the children have written for you all again...
Pema Lahm:
"My favourite part was when we went to Dochula. We were asking lift and when we got it we were all excited. We all waved to the people we met on the way.
At Memalakha I gt so frustrated because it smells so bad and it look so dirty. There was dogs staying there. That is because people don't know how to reduce, reuse and recycle.
Thank you."
Tandin Tshewang (Palu):
"My favorite part.
My favorite part was in the truck. It was so funny that our hairs were all stand up because of the wind.
The problem was in Memalakha that the boys were bullying us. We can fix the problem by ignoring.
When we saw the garbage in the Memalakha we were so unhappy as there is like buildings of garbage."
Tandin Tshewange (Pala):
"My favourite part of yesterday was when we went on the truck and our butts were hurting very much because of the small stones trying to get into our butts.
And the problem is that the garbage is not dumped in proper place. The city corporation is also not separating the garbage. And the solution is that our government should put more laborers to do the work and separate the garbage."
Sahil:
"About the Memalakha
Favourite part or time I had was playing on truck and walking along the road.
and when I went to Memalakha I felt very strange because the garbage wasn't on the proper place it was everywhere on the hills on the road and everywhere. Even at the mountain and most of them were plastic the most harmful thing to the nature. The best things to maintain is to use the three R's Reduce, Reuse and Recycle and a strange thing that I saw was pieces of money but we brought in VAST to make something to make sculpture for the exhibition.
Thank you."
Sangay Nidup:
"Yesterday we went to Memalakha and Dochula. We went into the truck and we ate lunch at the Dochula. The Dochula was so cold and my friend Sonam was freeze, he didn't even wear coat. At two o'clock, we came back to the VAST. At five o'clock we went for party. We ate momo and cake.
Thank you."
Drakpa Kekdrup:
"Yesterday 11/01/10 it was very interesting and I will never forget in my life.
It goes like this from Thimphu to Memalakha we the students and Mam Xochitl went to taxi. After we reached there we saw a huge garbage pile up one after another. I was very upset when I saw the garbage and I felt so sad.
When we come back we saw a lot of money that is cut into pieces and I was shocked. I don't know what to do. One of our friend told to collect in my scarf.
We went to Dochula in the truck from Memalakha and when we reached there I first went and play snow. It was my interesting day. We went to one of the hotels and it was closed. We saw a ground and we made fire there and after sometime we ate lunch.
When we come back from there we came in DCM and it was fun. When we reached there we came back in bus. Finally, we reached here without any problem."
Sonam Tshering:
"My favourite part of yesterday is when we went up to Dochula by the truck and clowned by the DCM. I am very happy to have this kind of journey and I always like to learn and play snow when we reach at Dochula. We all are happy when we go down from Dochula. Some of them was hurting their butts when we reached at rough roads and some of their hair was all stand up because of the wind. Thank you."
Lobzang Zangpo:
"Yesterday we went to Memalakha to watch the garbage. There was piled of garbage. We get very upset and we think that we should need machines to reuse. Half of the mountain was garbage. We went back to park and we saw the moneys cut in half in all the ways.
We take lift in the truck and go to Dochula and their we make fire and we came back in another turck. We came back to VAST on the city bus."
'VAST Ugyen' (our unofficial spokesperson):
"My nice part was at truck. In there was small stone. Our problem was that we saw a money beside the road and put the money in the bag and went to Dochula for lunch and came back home in the truck. (Memalakha is bad place for lunch and people throw things in there.)"

Beautiful times continue to be shared...there is always more to come.

As always...we all send our happy greetings from the Kingdom of Bhutan!

lessons, rubbish, trucks, and snowy Himalayan mountain passes

2010-01-12T23:58:00.000-08:00

mmmmmmmmm FUN

2010-01-03T21:17:00.001-08:00

new year goodness

2010-01-03T20:44:00.000-08:00

And so the final day of 2009 was graced with Bhutan’s first snow fall. At about 4:45 in the morning I sat straight out of the bed. I could hear the few cars that were moving about Thimphu, rushing over the water on the expressway. I realized immediately, that at the very least it must have been raining. Sure enough, this desert gal had the joy of pulling back the curtain only to find slushy rain falling from the sky. The city was blanketed and white, and the enormous presence these mountains usually have took on a soft ghostly appearance as the bitter cold made its way round and round the Thimphu air. After a short while, the slushy rain stopped and that delicious pre-snow silence landed gracefully over the valley. The snow began to fall…from the balcony I tried to snap off a few photos and decided my memory and whatever echoes it left in my eyes would serve as a better record of that misty night. By the time morning hit, the snow fall was ending…whiteness blanketed the mountains and trees as the sun began its compromising with the clouds. By noon, most of the snow in town would be melted.

When I arrived at VAST to meet some of the students I was filled with tingles, chilly chills and extreme levels of excitement…they were expecting my excitement. At least once a day for the last few weeks, I’ve mentioned the snow that has been falling in the desert where my faraway home is. I keep saying “I traveled all the way to the Himalayas! I thought I’d see snow I’ve never seen before…and now I’m here and it’s snowing at home!” So as I drove up to meet them, I stuck my head out the window and let a snowy scream loose. We immediately decided working would not be the best way to spend our day…sure it would be the most “responsible” way to spend our day…but not the all together BEST way to spend our day. And so, I let them choose the snowy destination. We asked one “older” person where they thought we should adventure off to…but I figured I should follow the same fact I always follow—when it comes to things of a beautiful and ever joyful nature, children absolutely always know best! And so we boarded the city bus toward Dechenchholing in hopes of grand snow filled adventures. After some walking in different directions we ended up back where the bus dropped us off—we hadn’t found nearly enough snow to satisfy our snow ball fight standards. We stood discussing our options and Pala pointed up toward a far off mountain and said “Madame! We should take a cab to Tango!!” I looked into the distance as they explained the location of the monastery. As is usually the case when the students lead me on adventures, I had no idea where we were going. The misty mountain was hiding the monastery beautifully from my eyes. But of course, I immediately started looking around excitedly for a cab. I may not have had any idea where they were taking me, but I did know, that if we were going to find sufficient amounts of snow for our fun time purposes we would have to go up up and away..where the mist met the earth.

A soap box cab pulled over and the children asked him if it would be possible for all seven of us to go together to Tango. He giggled and looked at us, his eyes examining ours to see if we were well behaved enough to pack into a tiny cab without causing disasters. He gave us the rate and allowed us the ride. Initially, we all packed in together. After we got out of the danger zone of police doom’s watchful eyes, two kids packed into the trunk (full of laughter and excitement). We went up up and away.

On the way we passed a giant mural painting on the rock side of a hill. The cab driver looked at me and said “Madame, just here you’ll see our Guru Rinpoche!” I started looking out the window intently and excitedly. We went around a bend and there he was-his HUGE being painted boldly upon the stone cliff…water running beside him. This is one of the loveliest and most admirable aspects of the Bhutanese way I have had the honor of witnessing. They are truly connected to their faith, to their beliefs and to their land and the precious nature of its existence. The youthful and the elder all know why things are done…they know why beauty is placed upon beauty…they know where simple beauty lives. They don’t go on and on about it, they don’t really even bring it up often…it is simply in them.

We travelled up the winding road a ways more and the cab stopped, the driver kindly informed us that if he drove us all the way up to Tango he’d have to charge double the rate…we immediately got out of the cab and were happy to have found the place where we would make our snowman and start our “winter war” (after the second snow fall of my life in El Paso, I wrote a story about a grand snowball fight between my neighborhood and the one west of it in the seventh grade called “The Winter Wars”-I’ve only just remembered that story) We attempted making a snowman which turned out to look more like a gentle deformed cone and then Pala threw the snowball that would lead to the joy of the day.

I watched him run toward the old cottage across the road and lob a snowball in the direction of a monk who was going back inside to warm up. At first my body froze in fear that he had disrespected the monk. To my COMPLETE surprise, ten minutes later there were five monks outside waging war on all of us. Snowballs flew through the air as we tried our best to defend our keep. But as I now know, monks are graced with very peaceful gifts…but they are also graced with the ability to throw snowballs at tiny targets from 40 meters away and hit their targets dead on. (In an attempt to defend our honor I will say that they had the walls of the porch of the cottage to protect them…we were out in the open…no trees or stones and definitely no walls!)

There are many monks who travel down that road on account of the monastery, so at one point, a friend felt sorry for us and joined our forces in defense against his fellow monks. By then, I had given up on trying to throw snowballs from a safe distance (I have the arm of a two year old infant) and became the snowball making factory. Seven children and one monk formed our offensive (defense would probably be a better word to use, on account of our inadequate skills). There were still only five monks. Our traveling friend and his precise arm was our only hope…

After some time we had only one choice. “Ruuuuuuuuun!” In total, the children were very upset to have fled in surrender twice and begged for truce once. After the battles ended, the monks invited us into the canteen to warm our numb hands, but we stayed outside discussing our next move. The monks thought I was the children’s older sister, and upon learning I was their teacher they were very worried I was upset over the many snowballs they had sent crashing mercilessly into my legs, behind and head. I laughed and said, “if I was that kind of teacher we wouldn’t be here in the first place!”

We bought some snackage and started our walk along the winding road back toward Thimphu. We had limited juice in our phones, no chance of catching another cab and no guts to hitch a ride so we called a friend to rescue us. The walk would have made for a lovely three hours, but it was nearly impossible. Along the way we took photos, collected stones from the stream, Lobzang tried to make a flute from bamboo, Pala took to being an Eskimo/ninja, Palu became the stealthy attacker lobbing snowballs at everyone unexpectedly, Jigme (the eldest) laughed and made commentary, Pema (a beautiful young warrior woman) also made stealthy attacks, fell down a hill and stuffed snow in all our jackets, and “VAST Ugyen” (the tiniest of us all) photographed, provided commentary, became a stealthy attacker, played with bamboo, made trails of packed snow along the road, splashed in the freezing river water and ran toward any glimmer of healthy amounts of snow he saw. After some time travelling on foot, peacefully and slowly, “Uncle Jurmi” drove around a bend to our rescue after some time. Of course, VAST Ugyen greeted him with a snowball against his car.

We journeyed back to Thimphu with smiles and frosty fingers…and so our snow day ended.

I go forward in the company of beautiful beings and shared joy…as always there is more to come.

I send my warmest greetings from the Kingdom of Bhutan!

Touching Clouds...

2009-12-28T02:21:00.000-08:00

two days left in this year. i sit at my computer in Bhutan and i cannot help but be reflective and nostalgic. the holiday season, though i'm not home, has nestled its way into me. it's a different kind of nestling action. in el paso, the holidays nestle into you when the first lights are up on houses, luminarias line the edges of yards and homes to make eerie patterns of light in darkness, christmas songs play in stores and on the radio, the light in the desert changes to a soft blue gray gold and the night gets cold, candles are lit in windows and poinsettias (as is the tradition of the women of my family) grace mantel pieces and table tops. a certain kind of peace settles over the city and memories of family and friends linger about you in the air. this year, the holidays settled with snow falling in the desert and cold filling my loved ones' lungs. el paso had a white christmas.

here, the holidays nestled their way into me quietly. i was busy adventuring and learning with the students at VAST so i didn't really even realize what the actual date was until the 23rd of December. when i realized the day, i realized what it was to be away from home. i realized what it was to have come from somewhere-to be of a place. this isn't the first time i've had such a realization...but it was a different kind of "epiphany" this time around. even though everything around me might make it difficult to constantly remember the life i traveled away from, that life now lives in me with more grace than it ever has. i am able to chart my life's moments over some course, and see that time has brought me so very far.

(i think this might be a normal feeling when one leaves their home...? )

i spent christmas eve with close friends and then ventured down to the border city of Phuentsholing at 6:30 in the morning on christmas day. the drive was long and trying...the roads were rough, winding and narrow. the winding snake to Paro i was used to has now become a nearly straight line after the journey i had along the Pheuntsholing snake. in total, without road blocks due to rock slides, the journey takes about 6 hours, moving at the equivalent of maybe 20 miles per hour...at most. of course we hit two road blocks. but for me, the things that usually seem to bother the Bhutanese (monsoons and rock slides) are the greatest adventures i've had in years. after nearly dying of fear as we drove two feet away from the edges of cliffs that fell and flew down farther than the eye could see (guard rails are few and far between-they only use them when they REALLY have to), we approached the first two road blocks i have ever had the joy of being stuck behind. giant boulders (bigger than some cars) had fallen down the cliffs above and landed in the road. earth movers jerked and jolted, screeched and shook...the sound of stone on metal and stone on stone flew through the crisp cold himalayan air. as the land movers strategically shifted dirt, stones and boulders i began to wonder where the stones would be sent. shortly after asking myself the question i realized the earth would simply be thrown off the cliff only to land in the middle of the stretch that followed the next bend in the road. (the roads wind and fold over themselves-tracing endless s's as they go!) i thought, i could either be really affected by the amount of time and noise such a process takes or i could get out of the car and stand on the edge of the cliff to watch the boulders rumble and dance their way down, surrendering to gravity's inevitability. of course, i got out of the car! the land mover, behaving like a clumsy desperate giant would, flung each boulder over the ledge and down. i watched the earth and its pieces tumBLe and crAck and shiffft. what power could a stone that weighs tons and tons possibly have against the cliffs of Bhutan?!

None!
...she smiles.

i experienced deadly cliffs and killer boulders which filled me with a fear and excitement i had never felt before, but the most incredible legs of the journey were the ones i traveled along through the clouds. i wasn't under clouds, i wasn't over the clouds-i was IN the clouds. i am of the desert. fierce winds, endless sunsets, a vastness i could never describe and colors of earth which span all part of the spectrum except the green one. el paso is where my visual memories have their seeds. yet there i was, darting slowly and carefully down a thin snake, touching clouds.

there was a point in the journey as we went round a bend when i had to remind myself that what i was seeing was actually real. the giant mountains i had been watching roll, climb and fold among their fathers and mothers, grandmothers and grandfathers simply disappeared into mist. i couldn't see where they ended or began. the line that was once drawn between the earth and sky, blended into itself and all i could do was sit back and allow myself a tear or two. i felt reality completely fade away and whatever i have always known, no longer had a definition (or at least the definition didn't matter anymore).

as we continued our journey over the snake, we crossed over passes that were being swallowed by the clouds. i felt my skin swimming in their moisture and softness. i stuck my head out of the car and felt the mist on my cold cheeks. i smiled. moments like that i am certain i will never lose...those memories will never leave my mind.

we left the land of clouds and began our dissent down the mountains toward the plains of India and the border city of Phuenstholing. in an hour's time i found myself peering out at a jungle. (perhaps jungle seems like an exaggeration but i must remind you all, i am of the desert!) i saw leaves the size of my torso and vines thicker than the thickest ropes we use to pull cars of sand when they get stuck in the desert. i never dreamed in my entire life that i would see such things. such simple things-leaves and vines, clouds and stones-transformed into things that...well i suppose, things that are of our planet.

upon entering Phuenstholing, i felt like i was home. el paso is on the border, so the feel of downtown el paso moved under my skin like an excited kid. the weather was warm and damp, and buganvilias grew everywhere. the feel of the town was a cross between el paso and gomez palacio, mexico. an exact cross of the two. of course, the people and architecture were different, but the feel was the same. and so i kicked in to a strange combination of feeling like a child seeing snow for the first time and a grown woman remembering her home. Phuenstholing moves a bit more slowly than Thimphu, but i find it to be more peaceful. it's cleaner and more quiet. the people stand about chatting and looking around and colors and signs of the passage of time grace the buildings walls. the city is lovely.

and then of course there's Jaigaon, the Indian city just across the border. to put it in perspective, El Paso is seperated from Juarez by a river (at least that used to be all there was seperating Mexico from the U.S.). Jaigaon is seperated from Phuentsholing by a small fence--it's a one foot in Bhutan one foot in India situation. to access Phuenstholing i drove through the "Gate to Bhutan". it was as ornate and beautiful as the buildings that make their home in the Kingdom. once i crossed that gate, however, beauty took on a completely different face. perhaps all the beauty i had witnessed...disappeared. the city is mad and rushing. noise, garbage, cows and people flood through the streets. stereos, cell phones and sunglasses are for sale everywhere...plastic buckets that are used for baths, huge metal pots and pans, and any one of thousands of cheap mass produced Indian goods were everywhere. i suppose that's the madness that comes with a "frontier". as i walked through the streets nervously looking for a phone to call my family from (it was christmas night in el paso, by then) i tried not to allow myself to look frightened...i tried to hide the intense sadness i felt building in my throat (pleading with me to burst out). i found a phone and called my family, half shocked half excited to tell them i had crossed the border to India. as i spoke to the i saw a tiny woman standing at the bottom of the steps of the tiny shop, waiting for me with one hand out. i immediately looked down. i wasn't avoiding giving her money. i simply felt humbled and, to put it bluntly, ashamed. i walked down the steps and the woman approached me, put her hand on my arm gently and began to beg me for money. i felt her skin on mine, i felt her fingers as they graced the bend in my elbow. her dark weathered skin caught light upon it, her torn and dirt covered silk dress draped over her bones like spider webs that cling to branches catching light in darkness. i asked if i should give her money and my friend advised me not to. if i gave her money, everyone would approach me. i looked around and saw the wild and fierce sea of people that flooded the streets. we cut sharply into a shop until the woman moved on, still trying to keep the big sadness at bay. Jaigaon showed me a face of humanity i had only read about, a face of humanity i had only seen in photos, a face of humanity i fear i have never truly known. i do not come from wealth nor do i earn any large amount of money, but i know now, that my idea of wealth is built around naivety and ignorance.

after my initial trip to Jaigaon, i returned twice. i had more than a one hour span of time to soak in the madness of the place. i had supper in a restaurant on the second story of a building that looked straight down to the streets of Bhutan. it was something like looking from Juarez toward the west side of El Paso. i watched the people move about, i observed everything i could. in all of its sadness and suffering, Jaigaon is still beautiful. it is beautiful because there is nothing distracting you from the reality of our world's varied circumstances. the awful face of humanity's machine stares directly into your soul in that city--it requires you to surrender, it requires you to stop and look at it head on. the suffering slaps you awake like a siren might in the middle of the night.

i don't know if i will return to Jaigaon. the guilt i felt is a feeling i don't think i would want to have again. but then again, if i don't return...the guilt of that selfish act will be one that i may never be able to swallow. maybe ignorance is bliss for some...but for me, i couldn't allow such a blindfold to stay over my eyes. in a way i laugh at myself because i know that the tiny act of going back there is the only way i will be able to go to India. seeing Jaigaon again, seeing everything that city reveals about our world, is the only way i'll be able to actually see the world i want to see.

and so i touched some different kinds of clouds this Christmas. regardless of their color and movement, they were clouds nevertheless...regardless of their defiance or affirmation of reality, they were clouds nevertheless...

upon my return from Phuenstholing, i find my brain yet again trying to grab at some magic thing that can't be grabbed. i still try to touch the clouds-those ever-changing beings, they change faster and with more grace. as i moved down and up and all around that winding highway to and from the border, i could see the clouds' movement over ridges and through the trees-their fingers made of giant leaves. white and some grey green color became ghosts together. on the way toward the border, i could touch the clouds. on the way back, the clouds had retreated up up and away. now i'm back in Thimphu, and the intricate complexity and combination of things that surround me remind me that i shouldn't be so greedy. i can't touch the clouds all the time...we can't feel them on our fingers all the time. living, breathing, moving, dancing, singing, laughing and crying among the clouds is a dream...that was true vulnerability--the most penetrating vulnerability i have ever felt. but there are too many important things to touch in the realm of what is real...and so that sudden feeling of clarity and understanding and absolute confusion that comes with a journey among the clouds must retreat now...up up and away.

i continue to balance...as this wild land, in its peace, carries me over this adventure...through heights and depths of living--some of which i did not expect or see coming...

wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year...
as always...i send my warmest greetings from the Kingdom of Bhutan.

from the children...

2009-12-07T03:46:00.000-08:00

and so...this one is by the children.

asked the kiddos at VAST to write about their favorite part of the last two days we spent together. They accompanied me to the workshop on Sunday. We spent the day welding a bridge with the help of Dulal.

They watched metal and welding magic, explored the shops, swam in the river and took me for a grand adventure on the city bus.

They photographed the day beautifully.
Big booming smiles were had by all.

today we completed the next step in the boat making process. they've also provided beautiful photos of today to share with you all.

from some of the children to all of you:

Tadin Tshewang
"On 6th December we the 10 people went to the work shop and my favourite part of that was when we travel in the bus because there was so many people. The bus went around the town. And the other one is in the workshop when the welding started and the colour of the fire was so beautiful!

Thandin Tshewang:
"On 6th December we 10 of the members of VAST volunteer to help make boat and bridge. On 10 o clock we came to VAST and 10:15 am we went to the workshop in the city bus.
We made a boat and bridge. We play and learn and ate lunch in the resturaunte clock tower. Thank you!"

Drakpa:
"On 6th December we the 10 people went to the work shop. I went to river side and I swim it was interesting and it was my favourite part of the day."

Jamyang Thinley:
"My favorite part of the day:
We went to near river and some of us cross the river. I was trapped in the middle of the river. I felt very cold. One of my friend help me to get out. One of my friend swim in the river. Then we came back and had lunch and we enjoy a lot."

Lobzang Zangpo:
"We were lost and we walk finding the Sonam Automobile. We reach and Madam Xochi show the boat and gave some sunglass to watch welding! We make bridge. We played pushing car. We go to river and I cross the river and on friend swim in the river yesterday."

Ugyen:
"We push car and we went to small river and we make bridge!!"

Kinley Gyem:
"On 6th we all went to workshop with Xochi and some of our friend to do welding. We learned a lot and we had fun. My favourite part of the day was when Xochi was welding and different colours of sparkles came out. Also when we reach at the clocktower we all were hungry that non one was talking. That day was an enjoyable day."

We all smile and send our warmest greetings to all of you from the Kingdom of Bhutan!

boats, bridges, rivers, buses, fire and lunch

2009-12-07T01:10:00.000-08:00

Binnacles and compasses.

2009-11-19T02:57:00.000-08:00

give it some gas...slam on the brakes...sharp left turn...then a sharp right....then a nice fat U turn...then a nice steep climb...some serious gas....sudden brakes again...then sit in the car and wonder which direction to go next.

Keeping momentum is hard.
So many things boom into each other all at once that its difficult to know precisely how to do what it is you're meant to do. it's been difficult to move with no binnacle to support my ever-wavering compass. i find myself writing quite a bit. (Her wall is covered in post it notes...none make any sense-Gancho asked her "i don't understand any of those yellow notes on your wall--one says 'where are you from?'"...we both laughed.) i write because i'm finding it easier to sort through this process by vomiting out these fragments of some kind of something.

before coming to bhutan i set my mind on not setting my mind on anything. i prepared for my journey with limited expectations because i knew the way in which the journey unfolded would be beyond my control. so many of the experiences i've had have been lovely and beyond anything i could have imagined. other experiences have been a bit difficult to handle...certain predictions-dare i say fears-have been very hard to swallow. it's never felt quite like it does now- to be a "woman".
i sat in on a meeting a couple of weeks back and someone actually said (something like) "A man will never be like a woman, he will never be pretty. And a woman will never be like a man, she'll never be strong." Of course that's all there is to be a woman and a man... ??

HMM.

i'll do a performance soon. it will likely be private and i'll be the 'woman' that i am. i was compelled to do it in the first weeks that followed my arrival, but now it is far more than a matter of simple compulsion. Women in Bhutan are absolutely fortunate. they are definitely given equal opportunities. but there's an attitude present that cannot be denied. that attitude is present in so many places across the world. of course it's entirely up to women to decide they'll grab whatever is in front of them (and especially the things that are not) and fly up up up and then up some more.
two weeks ago, i spoke with a friend and all she could tell me was "xoch you have to understand you're here under very unique circumstances
doing a very unique thing. you're a female artist who was granted money from an american agency to come here. you're only 25. you flew across the world alone to come and work for free. and you want to weld. of course its awkward!"
i've never been the type of woman who wasted time being concerned with what it is to be an "ideal" woman. but i did spend the majority of the first twenty years of my life looking in a mirror. i was a ballet dancer. i dedicated myself to perfecting every muscle in my body. every line was trained for grace. i wasn't born with the long legs and delicate frame ballet dancers are supposed to have so i worked hard...and i used every ounce of discipline and energy i had trying to perfect the "person in the mirror". but all that was fine because i learned (rather quickly) that dancing wasn't about my body. it was about so much more. when i reached my teenage years, my relationship with the mirror was one that grew out of a desire to look the way i (xochitl) wanted to look. in time..i wasn't concerned with actually having the long legs or the delicate frame...quite honestly i despised the idea of having that.
since i've arrived in Bhutan, i've caught myself looking in the mirror again only now i'm not looking in the mirror to make sure xochitl is looking like xochitl...i'm looking in the mirror to see what i may look like to other people. several people who i've met and a few of my friends have no reserve in telling me how "healthy" i look...some will even say flat out "fat". all of that is fine...and even amusing at times. but it's been a bit of a slap in the face and a little poke at my heart. beauty in any person grows out of all those intricate and ever-lovely things that live far beneath (and beyond) the shell of a body our soul lives in.
i am (kind of sort of) an "American". every store i go to in the States houses magazine racks filled with covers depicting nearly anorexic celebrities (or nameless "skinny" women in some cases). i am no stranger to depictions of the "ideal" woman.

and i am no stranger to the effects of the viral nature of that depiction.

i enjoy being a LADY...but i will never do the blah blah blah whatever it is i'm 'supposed' to. (i tried-it went KABOOM in my face) makes a big giant BLEH in my stomach-that empty "ideal".

(these are the warrior women of all the world)

and so...
xochitl went to the mechanic's shop today. to get there we drove right down into the mouth of the same winding snake that takes us to Paro. we crossed the river at some point and then plopped the green bullet (that's the car) down into the mechanics' shops. (the shops live directly at the opening of a runoff from the mountain. they flood every time it rains.) the garage doors are lined up one after another--the set up is the same as the "junk shops" on doniphan in west el paso. there's oil everywhere and it smells delicious. rusted and new metal pieces are all over the place...the sound of heavy machines and hammers was music to my ears. i could have gone to a fence building shop in Thimphu but it seemed to be difficult to schedule...but difficult things always seem to be hidden blessings in Bhutan.
i couldn't be happier. that complex is like a dream. the sound of labor, real hard labor, bangs in the air...Hindi is spoken all over...it's beautiful for a gal like me to think of working in such a lively and lovely place. reminds me of Mexico or Canutillo (just outside of el paso). photos of these adventures will come soon.

i was lucky to get some help in scheduling some time to work...it was almost postponed again but i refused to let that happen. this morning this LADY (xochitl) welded.
oh goodness it felt so wonderful to get filthy. of course, there were only men working in said complex. yesterday, when my friend, Jurodui and i walked in, he introduced me and explained that i was the lady that needed to weld. immediate response: laughter- which made me laugh. there was a misunderstanding and the man was under the impression that i was ordering a boat and a bridge to be made by him. my immediate response: laughter. i explained that i would just need a little guidance with the welding machine (i had never seen one quite like it) and the rest i could do on my own. the mechanics seemed curious and were definitely excited. oh the joy of EXCITEMENT and ENTHUSIASM--we agreed to learn from eachother! no one, i'm certain, especially not a 'woman' has ever come to them for help concerning art. and so it is my honor...to be the first. (first in many many ways, i'm sure.)

and so here we go! Jurodui and i walked into the mechanic's shop, i sported my dungarees for good luck purposes-texas boots on my feet. of course, i was greeted with a giggle and many many onlookers. before arriving i knew there had to be method in my delivery (or madness from the onlookers perpectives) so i immediately grabbed the rebar rod and began to cart it around the mechanic's shop. and so the pace was set. the day was incredible. noise everywhere, absolutely no hope of communicating through language, a balcony lined with 30 curious and shocked onlookers, and xoch maneuvering her way around a big juicy boat-Dulal (the welding expert of the world) helping her, filled with half amusement half confusion half excitement. that's right-150 total!
and so the boat was assembled. hand gestures were perfected, laughter was had, barriers were melted...and of course, the 'ideal' was ignored.

HOORAY.

and so...now onto some not so...........??.........stuff.

November 20 marked the 20 year anniversary for the Convention on the Rights of the Child. Only two countries in the world have yet to be a part of this Convention. Can we guess which those are.....Somalia and the good ol' United States of America. ouch. VAST collaborated with Unicef and the National Convention for Women and Children to organize a week long celebration for the children in Thimphu. There were painting, drawing, and poetry competitions for the children. The final products of the week long celebration were over one hundred drawings, paintings and poems as well as three beautiful murals-all expressing the rights of the child as children saw them. Several groups of youngsters were invited to help create the mural paintings. Young monks and nuns, children with disabilities, groups of elementary school students and, of course, all the children who normally spend their days roaming through and playing in the streets of center-city Thimphu all took part in the creation of the stunning murals. The entire week was beautiful-children danced, sang, played and created art. The clock tower was filled with color and life and the event was another beautiful example of VAST's ability to carry out such incredible and moving projects. The murals were exhibited and accepted with warmth and appreciation and the entire event was hugely successful.

While the entire celebration was carried out beautifully, one tiny moment in one day deserves mention.
xochitl writes a mini-sort-of-story.

"
Tiny Lungten stood in front of the massive mural, gho (that's the Bhutanese traditional dress for men) covered in dirt, grime under his unclipped nails, knees skinned scraped and scarred. He sported an empty pink backpack-a tattered doll dangled from its zipper. His little hand reached down to grab a paintbrush and he began to paint his masterpiece.
Lungten smiled and sang as random lines, shapes and numbers flew onto the canvas.
He was happy.

Before Lungten could choose his next color and move onto his next spot on the giant canvas he was chased away. Lungten was too naughty to help create the mural. Lungten was too naughty to be guided instead of rejected.

Only 'good' kids had something worthwhile to say. Only 'good' kids could express themselves during the 20th Anniversary Celebration for the Convention on the Rights of the Child.

Working with children is always a challenging undertaking. Their impressionable nature inevitably leads to this push and pull that constantly moves and freezes you. How close to their level should I get? How authoritative should i be? i have never had a problem RAISING (some may not consider it an upgrade) myself to a child's level.

Lungten is my friend. i see him often, wandering through the streets of center-city Thimphu, his tiny home made bow and arrow strapped to his back. He's a firecracker of a boy. He constantly observes, constantly watches everything and though we have trouble communicating through language, we always understand one another. He dances like a dream and always lacks fear in his delivery. His stare is fierce and wiser than his age would indicate, but on the afternoons we've spent exploring together, he has never failed to timidly hold my hand.
Just minutes before Lungten was evacuated from the clock tower, two of his friends revealed the sadness of Lungten to me. i walked by the boys as they drew depictions of their rights as children. Their paint covered fingers pointed at Lungten as they asked me, "Are you his friend madame? He said you are."
i replied that i was everyone's friend and definitely Lungten's too. The boys looked at me with concern in their eyes and said, "His parents madame...his parents dead."
i looked down at Lungten, then back at the boys-their eyes were still full of concern. i smiled and said, "well that's probably why he isn't afraid of anything isn't it?"

The boys smiled and before i knew it, Lungten was singing and dancing to Hindi songs.
He is six years old.
"

Of the many striking things I've seen in my two months in Bhutan-all of which have been tremendous and beautiful in ways i couldn't have imagined-Lungten's evacuation from the Clock Tower Square that day has been the most difficult for me to accept. I cannot be silent. Children that live in Lungten's circumstances are
the youngsters who are most at risk. His booming brain and soaring spirit are just as valuable as any 'good' kid's might be. and in a place like Bhutan, where the future of a people will be carried out by the minis, every child deserves their moments. In every place, including my home across the world, all the minis matter.

i have no barriers or boundaries in terms of the amount i would give in sharing and exchanging with people (both mini and not-so-mini). i understand that carries some implications with it..and at times puts me, and those i'm sharing with in a very vulnerable position. but this has been in me for much longer than i can fathom...and so i carry on the way the women of my family have for generations...without fear. "it's not about changing the world-you can't change other people", my friend who operates the green bullet keeps telling me, "you can only change yourself." and so it is.

i continue to listen and absorb. i continue to smile at the binnacle that's gone missing...and my compass that never fails to waver.

To be a stranger.
To move forward and backward at once.
To feel at home in two places.
To want to push.
To want to pull.
To want to leave and stay.
To speak without speaking.
To be challenged and to be harmed.
To protect and damage.
To be silent.

--just a few "to...'s"--

all these "to....'s" are part of my machine's operations these days-they're all part of some process (whichprocessitmightbeidon'tknowyet!) but IT's ALWAYS the PROCESS. The funny thing is that there's always lag in the process. The spark will happen and months, if not years later, I get to a point where I can really bring all the levels of the process together. And here I am. One year (less now) to understand what is happening around me, to understand what is happening to me, to understand what I'm doing, what my presence alone is doing. Keeping your hands off the wheel is one of those ultimate KABOOM situations...KABOOM because its almost impossible and you're likely to crash at least once when you try to let go and KABOOM because if you manage it, so much floating and freedom sends you everywhere so very fast and you're likely to crash-ev.

but i'll go forward
...my my my the freedom that is born out of flight is GLORIOUS.

i send my warmest (Holiday!) greetings from the Kingdom of Bhutan.

--himalayan hug sent via wind currents and dissolving/forming clouds...and the snow flakes i hear are falling in the desert and not in the himalayas!--

p.s. to view more photos from the CRC celebration you can visit:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/vast-bhutan/4122680564/
and i shall provide one more link the coming days with the photos i've taken. cheers!

Elephant Kings and Queens

2009-10-26T21:41:00.000-07:00

And so i find myself settled! as "settled" as one can be considering some of the adjustments required when a gal crosses the oceans and the mountains and the clouds and and and... i've found a beautiful roommate--Miss Rebecca from Norway--who is working with the UNDP as a photo journalist/media coordinator. aside from her work with the UNDP, (i am so very thankful) she's nuts! beautiful traveling Norwegian that girl is! the tremendous process of digesting things when you arrive in a country that is in such a complex situation feels a little bit lighter when you can talk with someone about it. it's uplifting to have a person you can share stories with about the places you've come from and the place you are now...and of course, it makes me smile to have been granted one of those magical Bhutanese wishes by way of a beautiful roommate.

we have "click" moments...the moments when we're sitting up above peering down between these Himalayan mountain tops at ourselves tick tock about, through Thimphu--smiles and courage spilling from us as the sharp crisp sun hits our faces.

it goes like this:

sunday market time-two "chelips" walking about trying to bargain for cheap pillow cases. they spot incredible baskets scattered in front of a woman selling vegetables out of them-baskets full of garlic, onions and chili. after ten minutes of extreme sign language, these two ladies recruit an english speaker to translate, "we would love to purchase those baskets from you". ten minutes later-after smiling their eyes out to explain without words that they weren't crazy for wanting her carting tools-baskets, pillows, blankets, beds, waste baskets, weaving yarn, and pieces of the Bhutanese national dress in tow, the ladies carry their mountain of items, catch a cab, smiles and lady muscles bouncing into the eyes of all the giggling onlookers, home to their apartment. full of satisfaction and excitement.

first settled night in their apartment time-the ladies decide they want to find a drink to toast to the success of their shopping adventures from earlier that day. a friend of theirs agrees to take them down the street in search of some beverage, but it was tuesday, and tuesday is dry day in Bhutan-the bars are all closed, but you can still find a drink in the tiny shops. they walk awkwardly into a few shops (the only people looking for a drink on dry day). in Bhutan, directions are given by a systematic flailing of the arms in the basic direction of where you want to go. no street signs, and no numerical addresses lead to great adventures. so they go in circles for a while, following the graceful gestures the shop owners are directing them with. they finally end up on the back end of a little joint, lights are out, but there's noise inside. their friend knocks and opens the door. the two chelips find themselves in a curious situation...they've walked in on an intense game of "marriage"...cards all across the table, money and laughter too. even their Bhutanese buddy was uncomfortable. they awkwardly ask if they can buy a drink...pay and walk back up the steep hill to their apartment. once there, they find the lights are out (again) but the day was so good, they pry open the drink and and have one last good laugh for the day.

"click"

there have been so many moments when we've screamed of "chilip". foreigners.

it's interesting to see the way things bloom in this place. everything is so crazy when you arrive somewhere that's totally foreign to you-it took some time to allow myself to notice that in the madness of adjusting, the place is so very steadily paced. i've only just realized how quickly even i move about in the U.S. its the tick tock syndrome. tick tock go go go. it's certainly necessary, but there should be some balance. the tick tock should be acknowledged and minded, but it shouldn't be driving the car or tractor (i'm in Bhutan).

i guess its easy to forget about what is right in front of you when you're so concerned with what is ahead. in a place like Bhutan, what is right in front of you seems to be otherworldly, but if you let the tick tock go you can get your head around the fact that it is absolutely of this world.

i suppose it goes back to the insignificance a person feels when they enter such an overpowering place. it's my understanding that most people who come here experience an immediate shrinking of their being the moment the drukair plane starts its winding dissent through the Himalayas. it's a terrifying feeling, but a very important one to have at least a few times in your life--especially if you're alive for the purposes of assembling what is in you.

and the great irony is that while time hardly exists in Bhutan (the clock tower hasn't moved, no tick or tock, since it was built) every now and again, i'm realizing my time here is short...and though it feels steady and slow, it's moving quickly. my first of many projects with the students at VAST has begun. we spent our last two saturdays in the company of kites made of Bhutanese newspaper and the stiff straw they use for their brooms. the students drew whatever they chose on their kites. we attempted to fly them in one giant fleet of glimmering messages, and while they all flew for at least 4 seconds, only one climbed its way up up and away. the kites will be used for an installation at the Young ZOOM on garbage exhibition to bring to light the possibilities of recycling materials. the goal of the exhibit is to teach the community about waste management. (recycling, proper disposal practices and general environmental awareness.) when we started making the kites i asked the children what their understanding was of the Bhutanese prayer flags. almost all at once their eyes lit up and they said "they send a message!". so i responded, "let's send yours."
a while back i showed them slides of some of the three dimensional artists i admire. the artists ranged from work made by folks i studied with in el paso (andres payan, aryk gardea, jesse meza, kaletia roberts...) to judy pfaff, andy goldsworthy and cai guo quiang...to name a few. i decided in order to make some sort of map i had to start with the goal of helping them understand that they can use anything to make a piece of art work, and often times, the things you wouldn't normally use to make a work, are the most effective. so when our kite making began, i was thrilled to see them understanding completely that the kites alone were not the work, nor was the drawing they put on them...the art will be the making of them, the flying of them and the use of the kite as a material to transfer a larger idea. we're not sure how we'll install these kites yet...the idea is marinating in the kids' GIANT BOOMING brains. hooray for these bright young people... AWAKE!

along with this first project i'm working on a larger piece, focused on the trash issue in Bhutan... (that one is a surprise!)

in collaboration with VAST, i'm coordinating a workshop with the Youth Development Fund based in Thimphu. there are many young people in Bhutan who fall into limbo- not in school, not able to get back into school, not able to gain employment. this is a piece of the "youth problem" situation...and something that inevitably comes with migration from rural areas to urban, booming growing cities and ...................... development. so the Youth Development Fund (YDF) implements programs to provide young people with alternative opportunities. (vocational training, employment grooming...etc.) there's a media club that is sponsored through YDF and Asha Kama and i have offered our experience to help them understand basic elements of design and aesthetics that might help them use the skills they've learned...most of which are in the area of photography. essentially i'll help them build their understanding of how to visualize things and form an understanding of the connection between the photography training they've recieved and art. hooray!

i'll also start a workshop on jewelry making tomorrow. the goal of that workshop will be to help recovering addicts (in Bhutan, when i use the word "addict" i'm not making reference to the hard hard drug kind...) learn a commercial, sell-able, skill. i'm so very excited.

along with all this i'm hoping i'll fit in some traveling in the coming months. i recently visited Paro, which was actually the city i first saw upon my arrival to the Kingdom of Bhutan. (too bad i was sooooooooo jet lagged and, how might one say, not even connected to my body at that point, i didn't remember any of it.) so every piece of my recent mini trip was like a dream. the drive from here to Paro is beautiful (and from what i understand, not the MOST beautiful in Bhutan! she smiles.) But Paro did something to me...something i couldn't put into words... something i was hoping for.

The city is wider than Thimphu. That open space is carved, molded, compressed, expanded, GROWN between two mountain tops (or five or six or seven or....) i think i came to understand my movement as i flew atop that thin two lane snake through the mountains. the movement of my journey is calm now (everything is settled now). it will be a long journey, i'm sure, filled with mad wild peaceful tender brutal and ever lovely moments... forgetting, remembering, learning teaching sharing and growing.
the vastness of this place is overwhelming. i imagine the flowers that live here grow up from the earth's core and stretch down from (reaching up toward) the tips of silver star life. it's a little bit closer to the sky here...it is the sky here. in Paro i sat atop the city and saw the shapes of man draw patchwork across the valley. softly. one plane cut gracefully and admirably through the clarity of the crisp sky, winding through the slithering space formed by the mountains (the space lives like a graceful chubby snake.) i sat amongst the ghosts of apples, leaves dancing with gold on their edges, clouds dissolving and forming with slow smooth rhythm.
"if you just close your eyes for fifty seconds you can will the clouds away..."

gracing the drive from Thimphu to Paro i saw giant elephants formed from stone. they've formed at the mercy of the Himalayan rain and the touch of some magical hands no one actually has or will ever see (we only see the elephants and...). those elephants stood across the valley like giants...protecting and reminding. that drive, my first drive, exists like a dream. it exists on my finger tips (they reached toward everything) and across my face...my skin is still swimming in the cold wind that breezed by the window i stuck my head out of for the majority of the drive home. ---careful not to fall out...you'll go down down down. oh the cliffs.---

car windows and elephant kings and queens (the oldest of all the elephants)..and some delicate dancing being that's wrapped its tiny fingers around the -clumbsy- lenses in my eyes. (they're human)

things you can't believe exist are created and REMEMBERED in Bhutan...they live in the land and in the air...and in the dangling flying messages that are everywhere...
i couldn't say where the memory was born or what precisely it is born out of. (i wouldn't dare disobey such an overpowering mystery). only something in my somewhere tells me-when that incessant tick tock has gone and my slumbering parts rise out of the metal bed they've been sleeping in, and the lenses of my eyes adjust their search for grace-i know in my soul that that memory is in all humans. that memory made us. that memory gave birth to the infinite truth of goodness and paths and emptiness and space and the volume, pace and presence (or absence) of that tick tock....

it will balance soon enough, and settle into some sort of rhythm. until then i'll sit these silent moments out, gathering fuel...and assembling.

i was asked by a student what the difference was between Bhutanese art and american art. oh i had no idea where to begin! after fumbling a bit and doing my usual word vomit thing, i finally just stopped and said "in Bhutan, you have a reason to make the work, it is for a specific purpose. in the u.s. artists are always searching for the reasons to make the work, the search with the work..." i still don't know how i feel about that mini epiphany. is it better to have a reason or not? is it better to be perpetually searching...searching without knowing what it is your searching for? i think artists do this innately...they are born with a desire to search and find and lose and gain and build and destroy and and and...

i like the search. especially when you don't know what your searching for and have no desire to determine what it is your searching for. i know now, that there is ALWAYS something searching for you. and if you give in to the movement and whirl of "oblivion" (keep your hands off the wheel) you might actually bump into that something...then comes the magic...

i wonder what the artists here would say about that search...i wonder if they too need that search... does the religious nature of the work they make seperate them from the artists who are searching?
(why do i want to know this my brain is twitching from the relentless domino effect of the thought process "la")

that being said, in some ways it would be almost impossible to discuss the differences between art in Bhutan and home. all the madness that has moved and molded and triggered the many faces and souls of american art does not exist in Bhutan. art is for worship here. so to discuss the difference between art in Bhutan and home you would have to have one hell of a break-EVERYTHING-down session and of course, you'd probably end up asking that ridiculous question. (the "what is art" one) and inevitably you'd have to validate one end and invalidate the other...because whether or not you want it to, that always slips in when you try to talk about art. creativity and other-worldliness is one of those mysteries we should not disobey.

sometimes its better not to disobey the overwhelming power of such relationships and questions...sometimes its better to simply let these things exist as they do...and ABSORB EVERYTHING...in its beauty...where ever it may be...
and especially in this place...

as always...there is more to come...

i continue to smile and send my warmest greetings from the Kingdom of Bhutan.

(Himalayan hug style)